LET US NOW THROW GOAT FOR THE SCORPS' FAREWELL TOUR

ARE YOU READY TO RAWWWWWWWK? We are not—the drugs just don't do it like they used to. But we expect some of you are, in fact, ready to RAWWWWWWWK, or at least to rock moderately, so this news is for you.

German rock troupe the Scorpions, who once rocked the airwaves like the proverbial hurricane and whose biggest hits are inextricably ensconced in the "classic rock" canon, have announced the North American leg of their Rock Believer World Tour, which is being touted as "the farewell tour" for the band of 57 years.

Fresh off their sold-out Sin City Nights Las Vegas residency, the Scorps will kick off two months of dates with special guests Whitesnake and Thundermother. Under the right circumstances (see "drugs" above), attendees may be able to teleport back to 1981.

The Live Nation-presented trek begins 8/14 in Toronto and will hit L.A., Chicago, Detroit, Dallas, Denver and other metropolitan hot spots. Tickets go on sale to the public 5/13 at 10am local time via Ticketmaster. Rock Zone fan club members will have access on 5/10. Rock Zone, motherfuckers!

Earlier this year, the Scorpions released their 19th studio album, also called Rock Believer, via Vertigo.

Having sold 100m+ records worldwide, the band has a deep catalog of audience-pleasing songs to charge through, including the aforementioned “Rock You Like a Hurricane,” “Wind of Change,” “Still Loving You” and “Send Me an Angel.”

See the full itinerary below. We recommend yelling it at the top of your lungs while doing hammer-ons on a Flying V.

SCORPIONS ROCK BELIEVER NORTH AMERICA TOUR DATES

8/21: Toronto, Budweiser Stage
8/24: Quebec City, Centre Videotron
8/27: Montreal, Bell Center
8/30: Clarkston, Mich., Pine Knob Music Theatre
9/01: Rosemont, Ill., Allstate Arena
9/05: Atlantic City, Borgata Casino*
9/07: Elmont, N.Y., UBS Arena
9/09: Mashantucket, Conn., Foxwoods Casino*
9/12: Hollywood, Fla., Hard Rock Live
9/14: Tampa, Amalie Arena
9/17: Houston, Toyota Center
9/19: El Paso, Don Haskins Center
9/21: Tulsa, BOK Arena
9/24: San Antonio, Texas, Freeman Coliseum
9/27: Dallas, American Airlines Center
9/29: Denver, Ball Arena
10/01: San Diego, Viejas Arena
10/04: Los Angeles, The Kia Forum
10/07: Fresno, Calif., Save Mart Center
10/09: Portland, Moda Center
10/13: Spokane, Wash., Spokane Arena
10/15: Tacoma, Wash, Tacoma Dome
10/18: Oakland, Oakland Coliseum
10/21: Las Vegas, Mandalay Bay

*Scorps only