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THE BRAINWASH IS FREE BUT YOU PAY FOR THE DRYING

"Is this some kind of initiation rite or something?" asks freshly anointed SiriusXM/Pandora VP Music Curation & Programming Alex Tear, seen at right, during the genesis of this Grammy-party tableau. Neither Mr. Brainwash nor HITS President of His Boat Todd Hensley replied until the ayahuasca kicked in, at which point Alex had a visionary epiphany about the connective power of electronic media, and Todd learned that his spirit animal was a goldfish named Morty.

NEAR TRUTHS: SPRING BLOOMS
Here come the big guns. (3/28a)
THE COUNT: COLDPLAY IS HOT, COUNTRY'S COOKIN' IN THE U.K.
The latest tidbits from the bustling live sector (3/28a)
CITY OF HOPE TAPS MARCIANO FOR TOP HONOR
This year's philanthropic model (3/28a)
TRUST IN THE TOP 20
Hip-hop is no longer hibernating. (3/28a)
UMG BROADENS SPOTIFY OFFERINGS
Sir Lucian and Daniel are in harmony. (3/28a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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