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SCOOTING UP

"I think we should use some of the 'Despacito' money to do something fun, like buy the planet Neptune," suggests Def Jam megastar Justin Bieber to manager Scooter Braun and SB Projects' Allison Kaye. "Also, you guys don't have to carry me to the restaurant this time, unless you really want to." The Biebs has "another one" coming in tandem with DJ Khaled; consult your handsets for updates.

NEAR TRUTHS: KINGDOMS
File under: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. (3/26a)
ONE SHINING HITS LIST
She shoots, she scores! (3/26a)
YTD MARKET SHARE
Zeroing in on the elite teams (3/27a)
BEST IN THE WEST:
STEVE BERMAN
High time for another Eminem skit (3/26a)
MUSIC REVENUE TOPPED $17B IN 2023: RIAA
Streaming subscriptions lead the charge. (3/27a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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