RESPECTED TRADE JOURNALIST SAYS GOODBYE TO RESPECT

Phil Gallo is joining the staff of HITS and HitsDailyDouble in the post of Senior Editor, President Karen Glauber has announced. He has our deepest sympathies.

An experienced and respected trade journalist, Phil covered the music, film and TV industries for an array of high-profile publications, co-authored the book Record Store Days, penned liner notes for Chicago and Love box sets and co-wrote the A&E concert special Shining a Light before flushing his career down the proverbial crapper by agreeing to work here.

In his new post, Phil will create original editorial content; translate the stories his colleagues scrawl in crayon on their takeout menus into English; and wonder what the hell happened to his life.

“I’ve never met Phil Gallo, nor do I care to read any of his work,” President Glauber noted. “But his Facebook profile indicates he knows enough about early Robert Fripp albums to pass muster.”

“Who is Phil Gallo, and why am I paying him?” asked Editor in Chief Lenny Beer as he yelled for someone to show him how to plug in his vaporizer.

Publisher Dennis Lavinthal was on vacation and unavailable for comment.

And now, apropos of nothing, here's a picture of President Glauber with Republic rock promo guru Mike DePippa. Mike has never met Phil.