IVANA'S COACHELLA
SURVIVAL GUIDE

Our friendly meteorologist Paul Tollett (who doubles as the promoter/founder of Coachella), reports sunny skies in Indio this weekend. Highs in the upper ’80s, lows in the ’60s. 0% chance of rain! Tickets are still available, and despite rumors to the contrary, so are hotel rooms. Call 1-800-422-5208 to book a room (the Westin, for example, is still holding a block of rooms, via the above phone number, for last-minute attendees). Here are other hints to make your Coachella experience an memorable one:

To Have:

A casita at La Quinta Resort (what better way to enjoy The Hives than after a hot stone massage).

A light jacket/sweater (although Goldenvoice will be selling hoodie sweatshirts for the unprepared).

Patience (allow at least three hours for the drive from Hollywood to the festival site).

A copy of the schedule (www.coachella.com).

Paul Tollett’s cell number (for those all-important VIP wristbands, and use of his golf cart for joyriding around the grounds).

John Cutcliffe's cell number (to "upgrade" the VIP wristbands to Artist wristbands—if you don’t know who JC is, you don’t deserve Artist wristbands).

A digital or disposable camera to take a photo with the cast of Charlie’s Angels 2, who are rumored to be attending.

A white robe (pretend you’re in the Polyphonic Spree and sneak in for free). The truly daring should bring a musical instrument with them (with 23 musicians and singers onstage—I’m hoping nobody will notice if I bring my oboe with me and stand behind the harp).

Appropriate footwear.

SPF1000

A small Evian atomizer to keep your skin hydrated in the desert.

Creme de la Mer moisturizer.

A map of the VIP restrooms.

The belief that your soulmate could be among the nearly 40,000 expected to attend each day.

Leave at Home:

An attitude (this is the best festival lineup, EVER. Be courteous, relaxed and GRATEFUL to be there).

Your old Stooges T-shirt. Iggy will not be impressed, trust me.

Your collection of "ironic" T-shirts you bought on eBay. Journey and Loverboy sucked. So did Xanadu. And Knightrider. You don’t look "emo" in these shirts, trust me.

Any band T-shirt for any of the artists playing that day. However, you can wear an Interpol shirt on Saturday and a Gomez shirt on Sunday.

Your TiVo, set to record Six Feet Under, What Not To Wear, Trading Spaces, Alias and Cheaters.

Inappropriate footwear (no sandals or heels!).

See you this weekend!