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Thursday, July 14, 2016

AN APP-OLOGY TO THE INDUSTRY

We at HITS would like to apologize to the music industry for sleeping on the amazing news that Pokemon Go characters have infiltrated the major record labels. This bombshell report came from the laser-like investigative minds at the Industry Bible, which detailed the various nonexistent creatures from the popular app that had materialized in record executives' offices.

Clearly, we should've been all over this, rather than wasting our time handicapping the likely Grammy nominees, interviewing executives like Mike Dungan or assessing the economic impact of streaming growth. We won't let it happen again.

 
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HITS LIST: AROUND
THE MAYPOLE
The biz springs into motion. (5/13a)
Check It Out Now
MALONE, WALLEN APPEAR NOT TO NEED "HELP" ACHIEVING MILESTONE
A genre-obliterating collab (5/13a)
Check It Out Now
RAJ KAPOOR: STACKING THE STARS, MAKING THE ACMs SHINE
Producer putting the finishing touches on Thursday's show. (5/13a)
Check It Out Now
WHAT'S NOT TO "LIKE?" HUGE STREAMS FOR KING KENDRICK
No longer keeping his diss-tance. (5/13a)
Check It Out Now
NEW RELEASES: "HELP" ARRIVES, SWIFT EXTENDS STREAK
Post, Morgan and the ever-popular POETS (5/13a)
Check It Out Now
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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