Hands forecast for 2011

PLOT SYNOPSIS: Meanwhile, the Financial Times was sticking to the original script, prior to Masuch’s revelation, in its prospectus for 2011. “It will be another bad year for Guy Hands, the private equity tycoon,” FT predicted. “The Terra Firma founder will see EMI, the music company, seized by Citigroup, its creditor, and sold in chunks to Warner Music Group and BMG Rights Management. Mr Hands will salvage some value for his investors by selling Odeon/UCI, the cinema operator, for a substantial premium but it will not be sufficient to repair his reputation—or his prospects of raising another substantial buy-out fund.” (12/20a)

HITS LIST: AROUND
THE MAYPOLE
The biz springs into motion. (5/13a)
MALONE, WALLEN APPEAR NOT TO NEED "HELP" ACHIEVING MILESTONE
A genre-obliterating collab (5/13a)
RAJ KAPOOR: STACKING THE STARS, MAKING THE ACMs SHINE
Producer putting the finishing touches on Thursday's show. (5/13a)
WHAT'S NOT TO "LIKE?" HUGE STREAMS FOR KING KENDRICK
No longer keeping his diss-tance. (5/13a)
NEW RELEASES: "HELP" ARRIVES, SWIFT EXTENDS STREAK
Post, Morgan and the ever-popular POETS (5/13a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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