MAYBE, JUST MAYBE: LIFE ON THE EDGE (OF A PAIR OF SCISSORS)

I woke up today and realized it was Monday. I do like Mondays, and this morning I felt like I had to get out and do something. So I did.

Excitement these days comes in small doses for me. Small moments when I flirt with the edge by having an outside lunch at the Polo Lounge or playing golf, the world’s most isolated sport.

But today was different. Today was a day to plunge into the depths of wildly unsanctioned behavior, reminiscent of those mad ‘80s nights on the Sunset Strip.

That’s right: I stepped outside, got in my car and drove to Supercuts.

It was time to get a real buzz cut. My wife and my daughter-in-law had been doing yeoman duty since February (jeez, February?), but my hair was growing in again and going in 11,446 directions. So I ventured out.

On my way, I checked in with Peter Gray, whose team is now dominating the top of the Mediabase charts with Jawsh 685 and next with 24kGoldn. Peter was in a great mood; who wouldn’t be, with those smashes and BTS looming just outside the Top 10?

I then spoke with Mike Chester, whose new Dua Lipa smash is battling with Shawn Mendes at the top of this week’s Most Added list. Mike is the most up and positive guy I know, so he also had me feeling my oats, while I sat in the parking lot still unable to venture out of the car and into the store.

I kept making calls and sitting in the air conditioning, stalling and waiting. Then it happened. I got up and walked in. I stopped to take the picture, to prove to myself that this was real. And then in I went.

The barber shop looked like my mother’s living room, with slip covers all over everything, and no one was there. It was eerie. What was I supposed to do? I chose to say Hellooo through my mask and put some sanitizer on my hands. Then a young lady came out, buzzed my head instantly, shaved a bit around the edges and charged me 25 bucks.

I pulled out two 20s, put them on the counter, mumbled, “Keep it, thanks” and promptly sprinted back to the sanctity of my car.

Phew. Who could ever conceive that going for a haircut would bring such anxiety. The President is in the hospital, multiple Senators and aides are infected—even the Press Secretary has it now. Meanwhile, my hair is clean, and even and my head feels good.

Happy Monday, as we begin another week of COVID.