POST TOASTED:
VOTE, FFS

BUMMERLAND: This was the CNN headline I read first thing on last Sunday morning: “YOUNG VOTERS PREFER BIDEN, BUT THEY MAY NOT VOTE.” I’ve been imploring my radio friends to encourage their listeners to vote, but now I’ve started speaking to artists and managers. Garrett Capone at Crush said that Green Day and Alanis Morissette are working on voting initiatives and Terrace Martin is working with vote.org. iHeart launched a podcast called Why I’m Voting, which AJR has just recorded, in fact, joining John Legend, FINNEAS, Jewel and other musicians who’ve participated. I’m a post-Baby Boomer (1961) and my name is Karen, so it’s extremely unlikely that any Millennial would give a flying fuck why I think it’s important to vote. I don’t think I could sway them one iota, even after I pointed out that the last night of the RNC on the South Lawn, where 1500+ gathered, maskless and within six inches of each other, was the equivalent of a snuff film, based on the current rate of infection (roughly 1,800/100,000). Given the age of many of the attendees (60+), let’s assume that a dozen or so will be dead in the next month. Ok, I’ll save my outrage for Facebook, where those of us who did ALL THE DRUGS and saw ALL THE BEST BANDS gather at night. I asked one of the smartest people I know, Adam from AJR, to write a few hundred words on why Millennials should vote. He sent me this, titled “If You Don’t Vote”:

Dear People Around My Age:

1. If you don’t vote, then you don’t have to complain about taxes anymore. Since you don’t have a say on the tax policies, you have no right to complain. Something off your plate!
2. If you don’t vote, you will get to work until you are 100. Social Security will be gone, but congrats! You will have something to occupy your time.
3. If you don’t vote, every single Planned Parenthood location will close to make room for Hobby Lobby and Home Depot. Home goods will never be more accessible.
4. If you don’t vote, some states will be underwater in the next few decades due to climate change. This will open up a slew of new beachfront properties. Snatch them up while you can!
   
5. If you don’t vote, you won’t be able to tell the difference between truth and lies anymore. Not sure why that’s good, but it’s something.
6. If you don’t vote, don’t bother going to college. You will never be able to pay for it, so it’s worth taking those four years and learning to make sourdough bread to become an influencer.
7. If you don’t vote, the world will become even more isolationist, but luckily, we will be able to keep all our soybeans, corn, fighter jets and expensive pharmaceuticals.
8. If you don’t vote, please unsubscribe from HITS. Thankfully, you won’t have all this information filling up your brain anymore. It will leave plenty of room for Kellyanne Conway memes.
9. If you DO vote, you will be making an active choice to help protect yourself, your family, your friends, your community, your state, your country, your continent and your planet. It’s really no big deal.

Sincerely,

A very concerned millennial

Adam from AJR and Executive Director of Sustainable Partners, Inc.

Feel free to cut and paste and share with your listeners, your Millennial-aged children and your friends. Plan on voting as though your life depends on it, because it does.