GRAMMY GALLERY: UMG KICKS IT IN DTLA

Following the Grammys on 1/26, Universal Music Group hosted a throng of industry players, artists and others at its lavish 2020 After-Party at Rolling Greens in downtown L.A. The Arts District venue was transformed into a full square block of party space. Let's review the fabulousness, shall we?

Having swept the major categories, Grammy champion Billie Eilish basks in the glow of her team's adoration. Little did they realize that she was wearing special glasses that allowed her to binge-watch The Crown while appearing to engage in small talk. Seen thinking Lord Mountbatten was a bit of a berk are (l-r) UMG ruler Sir Lucian Grainge, manager Danny Rukasin, Eilish, her brother/collaborator/Producer of the Year FINNEAS and manager Brandon Goodman.

Capitol Records Prexy Jeff Vaughn informs Capitol Music Group COO Michelle Jubelirer, artist Beck and CMG Prexy Ashley Newton that the rumors of a device wired to his frontal cortex that pulses when artists reach a certain benchmark on TikTok are patently absurd. "I have a watch for that, like everyone else," he said.

Caroline topper Jacqueline Saturn and Capitol Music Group overlord Steve Barnett arrive a the realization that they can incrementally raise their marketshare just by meditating.

UMG EVP Michele Anthony, Recording Academy Task Force leader Tina Tchen and UMPG Chairman Jody Gerson agree none of our recommendations should be implemented.

UMe boss Bruce Resnikoff confides to Shelly Clark, Grainge and Earth, Wind & Fire's Verdine White that he maintains an EWF tour pyramid in his office and obliges his underlings to adorn it with hieroglyphics. "How else are they going to learn?" He asked.

It's a known fact that the Rosenbergs and the Bermans have for generations collaborated on such projects as charoset, latkes, mandel bread and Eminem.

When we see Angelina Davis and Monte Lipman at an event, we are reminded that, by comparison, we do not look very good in our clothes.

Capitol breakout Lewis Capaldi confides that his saddest songs are, in fact, fueled by haggis.

HITS LIST SLIDES
INTO SUMMER
Fire up the grill. (5/24a)
TORTURED POETS IN PARIS: TAY STRUMS THE BASTILLE WITH NEW ACOUSTIC SET
Another week, another iteration (5/24a)
SONG REVENUE: TRIAD
They're in the money. (5/24a)
DOJ FILES ANTITRUST LAWSUIT AGAINST LIVE NATION
A game of Monopoly on Capitol Hill (5/24a)
NEAR TRUTHS:
HOWDY, PARTNER
Redrawing the Mason-Dixon Line (5/24a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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