DAME UN CIGARRO, AMOR

"What shall we do with our 'Despacito' money, boys?" asks Sony/ATV chief Marty Bandier as he and his teammates celebrate the ongoing windfall of the biggest song in the galaxy. "I've never been that concerned with material possessions," replied President, Latin America and U.S. Latin Jorge Mejia, "but I'm treating myself to a ruby-encrusted hovercraft." Said Co-President Danny Strick, "I love nature, so I'm going to buy an island kingdom, the inhabitants of which will revere me as a god." As for Marty, he just longed for one really good cheroot.

It's been a banner year for the pubco's Latin division, not only because it claims Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee and "Despacito" co-scribe Erika Ender among its writers, but also due to smashes like Maluma’s “Felices Los 4”, Nicky Jam’s “El Amante”, Enrique Iglesias feat. Descemer Bueno and Zion & Lennox’s “Súbeme La Radio”, “Escapate Conmigo” by Wisin feat. Ozuma and “Chantaje” by Shakira feat. Maluma. Add Latin Publisher of the Year from the three leading PROs and you have what Bandier calls "a perfect storm."

In a related story, Google Translate has some great new songs to share with you.

NEAR TRUTHS:
CENTERS OF GRAVITY
Eilish enters a powerful new creative chapter. (5/6a)
ON THE COVER:
TAYLOR SWIFT
Sorry, Tay, but we had to do it. (5/6a)
HITS LIST: HANGIN' OUT
With extra relish (5/6a)
LATEST SCORES: KENDRICK VS. DRAKE
Multiple lead changes in this playoff game. (5/6a)
LIVE NATION POSTS (ANOTHER) RECORD QUARTER
More butts in seats than ever before. (5/3a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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