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ALIBABA AND 40 OR SO MORE THIEVES?

Is Chinese giant Alibaba in the process of acquiring Billboard and The Hollywood Reporter? Some insiders believe such a purchase is now part of the company's plan (reported by the bible, among others, at year's end) to invest $7.2 billion in media acquisitions over the next few years. What this would mean for Janice Min, John Amato and team—and their breathless coverage of rock-star sweater vests—remains uncertain, although insiders report that Amato has learned to say, “Jack Ma, you’re my daddy” in both Mandarin and Cantonese.

HITS LIST: HORSEPOWER
VRRMMMM (5/17a)
NEAR TRUTHS: VARIANTS
Celebrity death match underway on album chart (5/17a)
OH, TANNENBAUM! ANOTHER GREAT CAREER HITS THE SKIDS
Another talented journalist trapped in the career cul de sac (5/17a)
THE COUNT: LIVE NATION TAPS TYLER, POST, BLINK FOR TOP U.S. FESTS
Cornering the market on surefire headliners (5/17a)
STAPLETON, WILSON BIG WINNERS AT THE ACMs
A genre mash-up at the home of the Cowboys (5/17a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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