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Monday, August 29, 2016

THEY BRING HOME THE BACON; WE'RE CRISPY

Island chief David Massey congratulates artist Nick Jonas on his VMAs performance of new hit "Bacon." In a related story, a strip of bacon was used to lure a HITS editor out from under his desk today, so he could finish working on the forthcoming 30th anniversary issue.

 
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TOP 20: IT’S STILL TAYLOR’S WORLD
What did you expect? (5/1a)
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KENDRICK TAKES AIM AT DRAKE WITH "EUPHORIA"
K. Dot is back in a big way. (5/1a)
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JAMES KING: THE HITS INTERVIEW (PART ONE)
London calling (5/1a)
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BILLIE'S BACK WITH BIG WORLD TOUR
Promises to be a Hard ticket to score. (4/30a)
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HIPGNOSIS BOARD APPROVES UPPED BLACKSTONE BID
But it ain't over till it's over. (4/29a)
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THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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