THIS WEAKEND PLANNER IS SWEATING LIKE A PIG

7:30pm
Ringling Bros. & Barnum & Bailey Circus, 135^th Edition The real Greatest Show on Earth (Although a certain Weakend Planner editor claims that that show takes place in her bedroom). It’s only in town for a couple days, so come see the lions, tigers, Arabian horses & the official Best Clown of the Year (according to Time Magazine…which everyone knows, is THE go-to for all the serious clown 4-1-1). @ Staples Center (1111 S. Figueroa St., LA). Info: www.ringling.com or www.ticketmaster.com

Can’t Stop the Musicals @ Aero Theatre Fun series showing musicals from th ’70s & ’80s. Scheduled to screen: 1776, Grease, Saturday Night Fever, etc. Discussions too. For schedules/details: www.egyptiantheatre.com Runs thru Sat. (@ 1328 Montana Ave., Santa Monica).
8:00pm

Oediupus at Palm Springs The new twisted Greek tragedy brought to you by The Five Lesbian Brothers. How can you not be all over seeing this show when it’s produced by guys called that? Don’t playa hate. @ New York Theatre Workshop (79 E. 4^th St. btwn. Second Ave/Bowery). In previews. Runs Thur-Sat @ 8pm, Sun @ 2pm & 7pm. Info: (212) 239-6200.

Shout Out Louds/Secret Machines/Kings of Leon @ The Wiltern Now, that’s a fucking show, my friends. Sat. nite, too. Info: (213) 380-5005. (3790 Wilshire Blvd @ Western Ave.)

8:15pm
Beck @ Gibson Amphitheatre Lotsa people think Guero was the best album of the year. Lotsa people think this dude is mad sexy. We’re just sayin’… Sat. nite, too. (100 Universal City Plz). Info: www.ticketmaster.com or www.beck.com

9:00pm
Coheed and Cambria @ Irving Plaza, NY Go see what so many already dig! If you’re lucky, the boys will you tell you tales of meeting people dressed as zombies at Comic-Con.

Meet the Grunion @ Cabrillo Marine Aquarium Get off on watching fish spawn? Who doesn’t! During spring evenings following a full/new moon, hundreds of grunion wash ashore to dig a nest and deposit a clutch of eggs in the sand. Then they catch the next wave back out to see, leaving the eggs to incubate. Till 12:30am. For details on the orientation & watching the action from the beach: www.cabrilloaq.or/spevents.html#grunion.com (@3720 Stephen White Dr., San Pedro).

11:00pm
Rokbar Lookin’ for someplace hip & sexy to roll? Wanna see what Tommy Lee’s been up to? Check out his new hot spot (if you can get in. we can get in. We can do anything we want. Except be happy. But we can get into clubs. Fuck happiness.). @ 1710 N. Las Palmas Ave., Hollywood. Ph: (323) 461-5600.

Saturday, July 23
11:00am
Hollywood in Vegas: Celebrating Las Vegas at 100 @ the Hollywood Entertainment Museum. Come celebrate Sin City w/photographs (theirs—you can leave yours at home), memorabilia, costumes etc. Open daily 10am-6pm. Info: (323) 465-7900 (7021 Hollywood Blvd.)

1:00pm
Bingo for Boobs Say that 10x fast. Come play bingo in the name of breast cancer. Lots of great prizes. Goes till 4:30pm. For Info: [email protected] @ The Belmont (747 N. La Cienega Blvd., WeHo)

3:00pm
Wedding Crashers Jesse says, “If you haven’t seen this, you’re missing one of the funniest movies in a long time. Get your lazy butt to the theater.”

8:00pm
Fatal Attraction: A Greek Tragedy w/Corey Feldman Campy retelling of the flick onstage. Go see you some Feldman! For discounted tix: www.ticketcentral.cm/ and enter code FATE. Info: www.fatalattractiontheplay.com (@ East 13^th St. Theatre, 136 E. 13^th St., NY).

Shout Out Louds/Secret Machines/Kings of Leon @ the Wiltern I’ll be there.

Rocket Queen The Ultimate tribute to Guns N’ Roses, with DJ Tommy Tables spinning in VIP Lounge @ Viper Room
Band Appreciation Night w/Porcelain, Damon Vonn, Inner City Soul, DownRising, Electroclash @ House of Blues on the Strip.

10:30pm
West Memphis Three Benefit @ the Hollywood Improv This benefit is part of an awareness day for the three guys who were seemingly way wrongfully convicted for murder. The three have been imprisoned for over 11 years & one of them is on death row. They’ve been the subject of two HBO documentaries (Paradise Lost & Paradise Lost 2: Revelations). Featuring: Jeffrey Ross, Jay London, more. Info: www.wm3.org or www.improv.com. (@ 8162 Melrose Ave.)

Sunday, July 24
12:00pm
Caribbean Sea Breeze Festival Reggae in Long Beach, mon. ’Tis a family affair (be inconspicuous w/your weed, mon) with plenty of spicy food, a kiddie pavilion, arts & plenty o’ music. Feat: Beenie Man, Morgan Heritage, etc. Till 10pm. @ Queen Mary Park (1126 Queens Hwy.). Info: www.seabreezefest.com

1:00pm
Bad News Bears Grab the kids, a slutty girl & your flask and head on out to your local theater. As a former little leaguer (best first baseman in the league and a girl, baby), I loved the original & look forward to seeing the remake. You know I’m bringin’ a slutty girl & a flask along, too.

7:00pm
The Lodge Check out the new trendy steakhouse that everyone will be talking about. Open Mon-Sun. 5pm-midnight. @ 14 N. La Cienega Blvd @ Wilshire Blvd. Ph: (310) 854-0024

7:30pm
Outlaugh 2005 Fundraiser/Festival featuring comics: Ant (Last Comic Standing), the Gay Mafia, the Nellie Olesons, Lea DeLaria & more. All to benefit the organization LA Shanti. Festival runs all weekend @ Highways Performance Space. For info: (800) 595-4849. (1651 18^th St., Santa Monica).

8:00pm
DJ Green Lantern @ the Key Club

Upcoming
Tuesday, July 26
8:00pm
Dredg w/Veda @ Club Sound, Salt Lake City
8:15pm
Stevie Nicks @ Gibson Amphitheatre

JE-C’S POST-MOVIE COMMENTS
Wedding Crashers One of the funniest movies I have seen in a long time. I couldn’t stop laughing. Vince Vaughn is hilarious; a definite must see.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory You know, I wasn’t sure what to expect after hearing the buzz, but after seeing it for myself, I was blown away. Depp and Burton have done it again!

JE-C’S NEW MOVIE RUNDOWN
The Island
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Scarlett Johansson, Djimon Hounsou, Steve Buscemi, Michael Clarke Duncan and Sean Bean
Synopsis: In the near future, wealthy Americans can have themselves cloned, with the option of using their clones for organ transplants later in life. Their doubles are duped into thinking that a lottery spin will send them to an island paradise, when in reality; they're on the way to get their body parts harvested. One of these clones starts to suspect the true nature of the facility in which he was raised and plots an escape with a friend.
Thoughts: I have always been a big fan of Michael Bay, and I think this movie will be action-packed. Plus Scarlett is super hott.

Hustle & Flow
Starring: Terrence Dashon Howard, DJ Qualls, Anthony Anderson, Ludacris and Isaac Hayes
Synopsis: DJay, an aging Memphis pimp, tries to kick-start his rap career with the help of his friends Key, a sound engineer, and Shelby, the most unlikely producer ever to enter a studio. If they can attract the attention of successful rapper Skinny Black, they might make it big …
Thoughts: I really want to see this movie and I think it could be one of those sleeper hits because I think it’s going to be better than a lot of other people do.

Bad News Bears
Starring: Billy Bob Thornton, Greg Kinnear, Marcia Gay Harden, Timmy Deters, Sammi Kane Kraft and Seth Adkins
Synopsis: After a lawsuit forces Little League teams to accept all players regardless of ability, a surly, half-drunk baseball coach turns the Bears, a team of misfits with a huge losing streak, into unlikely title contenders.
Thoughts: Geez, another remake, are the people in Hollywood really out of ideas for movies? Sorry, Billy Bob, you’re no Walter Matthau.