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Go ahead and admit it: You don't get the Velvet Underground.

AUSTIN PREPARES FOR
INVASION OF ROCKCRITS

Geeks Descend on Texas for annual SXSW and You Know Who You Are
Austin American-Statesman journalists Michael Corcoran and Robert Wilonsky roll out the welcome mat for the nearly 700 music critics, "several of whom don't have a record review in the new Blender," descending on their town for this weekend's SXSW convention with "a heapin' helpin' of the truth" in the form of "35 things every rock critic should know" aside from, "Yes, you are a groupie."  For a complete list click here.

Some of their career counsel includes:

Go ahead and admit it: You don't get the Velvet Underground.

Ryan Adams has no talent.

Dressing like a rock star doesn't make you look like a rock star: It only reinforces the stereotype that critics are musician wannabes (Boy, that's three David Fricke refs in a row.)

Lester Bangs is dead. What's your excuse?

Three more of the most frightening words ever: "Robert Christgau protege."

If you receive a sex tape featuring a prominent R&B artist and don't dub copies for friends, then you deserve the Chicago Sun-Times.

"Yo La Tengo" is Spanish for "Critics Can't Rock."

Having Courtney Love hit on you during an interview is as special as a free coffee refill.

 Re: the Strokes. Make up your mind already.

HITS LIST, YUP
IMAX version available (8/12a)
SURPRISE MEGAN DROP—"LET'S RUN THIS LAST ONE UP"
That's that, all of a sudden. (8/12a)
NEW & DEVELOPING
ARTISTS: Q3 EDITION
The stars of tomorrow—and one star of the moment (8/12a)
TOP 20: THE RACE
FOR #1 IS ON
It's neck and neck at the turn. (8/10a)
WE'RE SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, BUT WE JUST HAD TO TELL YOU
Oh, no, not again. (8/12a)
RISE OF THE INDIES
How they're reshuffling the biz deck.
THE LATIN-MUSIC MARKETPLACE
Thoughts on a changing landscape.
KETCHUP
It's everywhere.
THE NEXT HUGE CATALOG STORY
Another stunning return.
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