"I pick Russell Crowe, but clearly Javier Bardem gave the best performance in "Before Night Falls." And, of course, I have a thing for gay Cuban poets."
——Lenny Beer,
on Best Actor

HITS' OSCAR PROGNOSTICATORS
ARE ALL THUMBS

Just Like Siskel & Ebert, Except BOTH
Of These Dimwits Are Legally Dead
"The Gladiator" may be the leading contender to score big at the Academy Awards, but HITS' own in-house experts, Lenny "Mr. Hollywood" Beer and sidekick Roy "Buttered Popcorn" Trakin, are looking for a much more eclectic showing at Sunday's ceremony.

Best Movie
Trakin:
It has to be "Gladiator," because the Academy likes to see young male, bare-chested warriors in sheet metal short-shorts. Also, it has the most nominations and the 'Ben Hur' factor going for it.

Beer: Not so fast, Jujubee-breath. I see "Traffic" gaining the momentum in the backstretch. Plus, Michael Douglas has all the Tinseltown clout. By the way, do you know where I can score some blow?

Best Actor
Trakin:
Even though I'm rooting for Tom Hanks so that I can once again update my book on him, I feel this is the year for Russell Crowe.

Beer: I pick Crowe, too, but clearly Javier Bardem gave the best performance in "Before Night Falls." And, of course, I have a thing for gay Cuban poets.

Best Actress
Trakin:
No question this is Julia Roberts' for the taking. I think she finally got the right role in "Erin Brockovich." All that's left is the coronation and getting past Joan Rivers on the red carpet.

Beer: Roberts is the lock of the night.

Supporting Actor
Trakin: Albert Finney
was so good in "Erin Brockovich," but the momentum seems to be all Benicio Del Toro after his SAG award.

Beer: All his peers think Benicio Del Toro's performance was just awesome.

Supporting Actress
Trakin: Kate Hudson
feels like the winner. I mean, the business loves Goldie Hawn, and she won this award, like, 30 years ago, so it makes a lotta sense.

Beer: Hudson. She gave a completely charming performance, has the right Hollywood pedigree, and this is the category in which young actresses get anointed.

Best Director:
Trakin: Gotta be Ang Lee, though it's a shame Steven Soderbergh can't get one for both movies.

Beer: Ang Lee all the way. Never mind the Soderbergh factor, Lee deserves it.

Best Song
Trakin:
Looks like Bob Dylan. Can't wait for his acceptance speech.

Beer: Dylan. This is like when he won the Grammy for "Time Out Of Mind." His time is now.

Best Score
Trakin: Hans Zimmer
's music for "Gladiator" is in the classic Hollywood-epic mode.

Beer: I think Zimmer will win, too, but "Crouching Tiger" had the better use of music with Yo-Yo Ma.

Cinematography
Trakin:
I think "Gladiator" will win a majority of the technical awards, including this one.

Beer: I agree with that. The spectacular look of "Gladiator" was its chief selling point. That and all the half-naked guys running around.

Documentary Feature
Trakin: Is anything by Errol Morris nominated?

Beer: Always bet on the holocaust in this category. And that's "Into the Arms of Strangers: Stories Of The Kinder Transport."

Original Screenplay
Trakin: Cameron Crowe
's dialogue in "Almost Famous" managed to create some memorable characters, even in the smaller roles.

Beer: Crowe for "Almost Famous." In a close race, he gets the honor for being overlooked in the other main categories.

Adapted Screenplay
Trakin:
The interweaving of the narratives in "Traffic" was pretty darn good.

Beer: A compelling story, told in a compelling manner. Now, will you please pass that Slushie over here, Trakin? Because the balcony is closed.

TOP 20: TAYLOR'S WORLD
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I.B.'s independent-spirit awards (12/12a)
DANIEL NIGRO:
CRACKING THE CODE
The co-writer-producer of the moment, in his own words (12/12a)
REGAL AT RETAIL:
TAYLOR SWIFT
Redefining "royalty" (12/10a)
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The beginning of the end (12/10a)
NOW WHAT?
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Three chords and some truth you may not be ready for.
AI IS ALREADY EATING YOUR LUNCH
The kids can tell the difference... for now.
WHO'S BUYING THE DRINKS?
That's what we'd like to know.
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