SHAG—ADELIC!!

He's been threatening to do it for the past few weeks. This week, he did it.

Indeed, after just missing dethroning the Fab Four the last two weeks, MCA's Shaggy has now captured the top spot on the HITS Album Chart, thanks to a pair of monster, smash, mega, boffo hit singles.

"Shaggy just came out of left field over the holidays and is still going strong," enthused Brant Barry of Fred Meyer, who is depressed because "that hot vixen Madeline Albright" will no longer appear on the nightly news. "It actually outpaced the Beatles chainwide."

Hardly disgraced, and certainly not hurting for money, Capitol's Beatles held close at #2, closely followed by the week's other BIG sales story, Hollywood's soundtrack to the chick flick, "Save The Last Dance." That one continues its meteoric rise with an 11-3 jump this week.

"It's really the biggest story this week," said Barry, gently stroking his blow-up Albright doll. "Unbelievable sales increases are following the #1 box-office receipts stride for stride."

"This record's so big, even Mark DiDia can't stop it," said HITS Editor In Chief Leonard J. Beer, who obviously received his 2001 advertising budget up front.

Rounding out the Top Five action are longtime residents "NOW Volume 5" (Columbia) and Creed (Wind-Up).

Besides another stellar sales week for Arista's Dido (8-7, with massive action), the monster debuts this week were… Actually, there were no monster debuts this week. Of course, that all changes next week, when Jennifer Lopez, O-Town and Dream debut at or near the top of the album chart…or will they?

"These artists are anti-crime, anti-American and should have their civil rights violated," said Attorney General-designate John Ashcroft.