NELLY, EMINEM, BRITNEY: READY FOR THE FALL

Hi, everyone, I'm the underpaid loser charged with writing this album chart story every week—you know, the one with the blazing headline heralding the big sellers, movers and debuts of the week.

Look, folks, this ain't no literary achievement to start with, but during the traditional dog days of summer, it's about as interesting as a promotion executive in a group of literate, well-spoken human beings. And one thing's for sure: THIS SUMMER'S BEEN A SNOOZE. It still is. If this keeps up, we may have to pay attention to the resolution of the sovereignty of Jerusalem and the Palestinian refugee issue as keys to lasting peace in the Middle East. Or how about the Lebanese people electing a prime minister in direct defiance of Syria, creating the first real test of a young, untested Assad? And what about the two Koreas planning to march together at the opening ceremony at the Olympics in Sydney?

Naaaah, it will never get that bad. Did we mention that Nelly is #1 again this week? Insert same old lame retailer quote with obligatory slam here: "____________ ," said Bob Bell of Wherehouse, as he gently stroked his pet goat.

And if that's not enough, Eminem is #2, Britney #3, Creed #4 and 3 Doors Down #5. Insert same old lame retailer quote with obligatory slam here: "___________ ," said Kevin Engler of Best Buy, as he impaled himself with a fork.

Rounding out this week's Top 10 are NSYNC, Papa Roach, "NOW 4," C-Murder (the week's only Top 10 debut!!!) and the"Coyote Ugly" soundtrack.

"____________________ ," said Wherehouse's Bell.

"____________________ ," added Best Buy's Engler.

Hang on, folks, the big releases are coming.