WEB SITE TO SAVE ROCK & ROLL—OR, AT LEAST, CASH IN ON IT

Part of CMJ's revamped Web site, the portal will provide online and offline tools for developing artists with the recording, distribution and marketing of their music. Services include customized homepage building, e-mail and networking applications, MP3 and video upload capability, equipment and

insurance discounts, in-depth music industry advice and CMJ's music industry directory.

The service also features useful tips, like just how many hookers and how much blow to send to get your songs played on that hot new PoMo station in Moline, IL.

CMJ Artist Services will feature multimedia and interactive components from top content partners such as Trellix, Omnipod, Insound, Register.com, Pollstar, Musician's Friend, MusicPro and ASCAP.

"CMJ has provided expertise and critical judgment to the music industry for over 20 years, and we are very excited to be able to offer these services directly to artists," said vowel-depleted CMJ VP Artist Services John Mrvos. "By combining our robust information services with key partnerships, we blah blah blah an era of artist empowerment yadda yadda yadda that enables artists blah blah blah music."

The launch coincides with the 20^th annual CMJ Music Marathon, which is another thing happening in New York this weekend making hotel rooms and taxis as scarce as clocks in a casino.

Attendees have been notified that any bodies found unconscious and naked in an alley in Manhattan should be returned promptly to the HITS office or the nearest bar.