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ASPIRIN, ANYONE?
NSYNC Allowed To Live, Kid Rock Immortalized And David Hasselhoff On Broadway

UNSYNC-ABLE PLAN SUNK
A Tennessee teen's plot to murder members of NSYNC has been discovered. Launch reported that the 17-year-old was turned into Sumner County officials by his own mother. She reportedly found a folder containing his outline, which entailed robbing a local gun shop and killing its employees if necessary, then traveling to Atlanta for NSYNC's Saturday (10/21) performance at the Phillips Arena. There, he would kill the band and anyone in his way. According to Sheriff Captain Don Linzy, the boy's writings revealed his motivation for the thwarted crime. His journal allegedly stated: "The group gets all the good girls." Stated the boy's mother: "Why couldn't he just join the Kiss Army or worship Satan like we did when we were kids?"

WHAT A DOLL
Kid Rock
has joined the elite ranks of Kiss, Alice Cooper, Ozzy Osbourne and Rob Zombie by inspiring an action figure. "Spawn" creator and toy maker Todd McFarlane has announced plans to add the American Badass to his line of rock & roll collectibles. Due out Spring 2001, the Kid Rock doll comes complete with a "pimp coat" and peep-show backdrop, and has the ability to give the middle finger. Pork rinds and double-wide trailer sold separately.

HYDE YOUR EYES
David Hasselhoff
has shaken the sand from his swim trunks as he heads for the Great White Way. The geriatric hottie has been tapped to take over the lead in the Broadway musical, "Jekyll & Hyde." Hasselhoff is taking over for former Skid Row screamer Sebastian Bach. While there's no word on when Hasselhoff will make his debut, the show's producers are reportedly revamping the production to include a talking car.

CRACKER BATTLE
The verbal punches between Eminem and former House of Pain frontman Everlast are flying again. Slim Shady and his side crew, D-12, have released "I Remember" as a B-side. The song jabs at Everlast's ever-changing musical style, his heart problems, his age and his musicianship. Lyrics include "I went to get your shit/Man, I was into it/But then you went and took your style and switched shit/Now you sound ridiculous." The song comes in response to Everlast's contribution to Dilated Peoples' "Ear Drums Pop (Remix)." There, Ev stated: "Cock my hammer, spit a Comet like Halley/I'll buck a three-eighty on ones that act shady/I'm original like Grady, check my Sanford, Son/You know you ain't the one that rep peckerwood status." Five words, boys: Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots.

TAKE YOUR BALLERS AND GO HOME
This year's Cash Money Millionaires tour has reportedly been firmed up and is ready to roll under the name Jingle Ballers Jam. Nelly and the crew from Cash Money—Juvenile, Lil' Wayne, Hot Boyz, B.G. and Big Tymers—will be joined by Lil' Kim, Profyle, Joe, Lil' Cease, Junior M.A.F.I.A., Trick Daddy and Trina, Pollstar reports. The tour is set to launch Nov. 10 in Miami. Citing the large number of canceled gigs on last year's outing, insiders said: "The earlier you get your tickets the earlier you can get them redeemed."

IS THAT ANYTHING LIKE A CHOCODILE?
An estimated 2,000 fans, many of them sporting red baseball caps, crowded Times Square's Virgin Megastore Tuesday (10/17)to meet the band and celebrate the release of Limp Bizkit's "Chocolate Starfish And The Hot Dog Flavored Water." Despite Limp Bizkit's reputation for sparking chaos, the signing session ran with military precision. "That's so sweet," Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst told one of several young girls who presented him with flowers as he signed CDs at the store. "Now, pretend you are Christina Aguilera and meet me for a ‘duet' on the tour bus."

BEEN CAUGHT FEUDING
Citing ongoing turmoil between Jews and Palestinians, Perry Farrell has put on hold his plans for the Diamond Jubilee concert originally intended for next spring in Tel Arad, Israel, according to Launch. For the time being, he will concentrate on efforts closer to home. "We'll build one for America, and in the meantime we'll be patient and watch [the Israeli situation]," the former Jane's Addiction singer said. "Besides, when I want to get stoned, I don't mean getting hit by rocks."

JAY-Z SELLS A CHUNK OF TIDAL TO SQUARE
Twitter founder likes the sound of this deal. (3/4a)
NEAR TRUTHS: UNCORKED
Jay-Z's blingy mountain of cash keeps gaining altitude. (3/4a)
UMG PULLS IN NEARLY
$9B IN 2020
Value keeps rising ahead of IPO. (3/4a)
MILEY JOINS COLUMBIA
Like moving to the apartment next door. (3/4a)
GRAMMY CHEW: THE
PRE-GRAMMY BOUNCE
Let's hear it for ironic guitar-smashing. (3/4a)
BLACK HISTORY MONTH
A jazz chronicle of fighting the power.
GRAMMYS: WHERE TO FROM HERE?
After the snubs, the show.
ACQUITTED
In a phenomenal display of cowardice.
MOVING THE NEEDLE
When vaccination schedules and touring schedules meet.
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