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SONG SUNG BLUE, EVERYBODY READS ABOUT ONE

75% Of Our Stories Are Based In South America! 25% Contain Nudity!

A POOR CRAFTSMAN ALWAYS BLAMES HIS TOOLS
And speaking of "tools," Oasis guitarist Noel Gallagher, previously called the "less-annoying Gallagher," blamed the "bad taste" of the U.S. public for hindering the sales of British bands. "Americans have got very bad taste, hence the Backstreet Boys. [They] can't sing, can't play and can't dance," Gallagher told a news conference in Caracas, Venezuela, where his band closed a huge music festival Sunday (1/21), Reuters reports. Indicators indicate that U.S. fans, many with "bad taste," gobbled up the Noel-penned "Wonderwall," thus making the British thug a multimillionaire.

REMEMBER THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN ROCK STARS WORE TUBE SOCKS?
Queens Of The Stone Age bassist Nick Oliveri was arrested Friday (1/19) for indecent exposure after the band's performance at the Rock In Rio Festival in Brazil. Oliveri reportedly played over half of the show naked before being urged to put on some pants. At the end of the band's set, he was arrested by Brazil's military police. The musician was later let go by a local judge, since authorities could not find the "smoking gun."

PERHAPS IT WAS THEIR HUMAN RIGHT TO STEAL IT?
Less than a week after receiving it, Sting had the human rights medal awarded to him by the Chilean government stolen from his dressing room. The crime occurred in normally crime-free Buenos Aires, Argentina, before the aging thought-rocker was set to take the stage, according to SonicNet.com. According to Reuters, the Gabriela Mistral Medal was in a bag of personal items stolen while Sting was onstage for sound check. "If his tantric sound check hadn't lasted seven hours," said one authority, "this crime probably wouldn't have happened."

NOW PLAYING ON DAVID SIMUTIS' COMPUTER!
The lineup for the ninth annual Noise Pop Festival has been announced. The six-day music fest will be held in San Francisco, Feb. 27-March 4, with shows in multiple venues for the first time ever. Featured at this year's fest are Superchunk, Girls Against Boys, Grandaddy, Creeper Lagoon, The Minus 5, The Fastbacks, Spoon, and The Bellrays, among others. Shows will be held at numerous clubs around SF, including Bimbo's 365, Great American Music Hall, Slim's, Bottom Of The Hill and Caf Du Nord.

SIR LUCIAN
TURNS IT UP
UMG chief is sitting on top of the world. (9/17a)
OCEAN ACTIVITY?
Let's be Frank. (9/17a)
A HARD DAY’S
HITS LIST
Stars across the board (9/17a)
GRAMMYS HAVE A NEW AWARDS CHIEF
Will she be able to clean up the mess? (9/17a)
CH-CH-CH-CHANGES
FOR BOWIE CATALOG
WMG snags a cornucopia of sound and vision. (9/16a)
HITS' 35TH ANNIVERSARY
A chronicle of the inexplicable.
GRAMMY: ALBUM OF THE YEAR
We make yet more predictions, which you are free to ignore.
2022 TOURS
May we all be vaxxed by then.
ROCK'S NEW CHAPTER
Power pop, global glam and the return of the loud.
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