"Bringing digital music to the personal fitness experience reinforces the spirit and attitude of that unique vision," said MP3.com's chairman and CEO michael robertson',390,400);">michael robertson',390,400);">Michael Robertson while munching a cheese danish and squeezing off a few reps on a Thighmaster. It also allows MP3 to play MC Big Brother in a Brave New World of targeting, tracking and tagging of brain-addled, bored Webaholics. On the surface it seems innocent enough. How cool is it to have access to a custom-loaded jukebox of your favorite tunes to motivate you to get through the soul-destroying ordeal of monotonous aerobic activity?
Well, here's what you'll be logging onto. The core of the Xystos Media Network is a James Bond-sounding entity called G.U.T.S., an acronym for "Great Ubiquitous Training System." This digital coach/database offers exercise prescriptions while analyzing your performance, weight, body fat, the chemical composition of your perspiration, propensities to bonk and so on. Just imagine the subliminals you might be receiving while spinning to Whitney & Enrique's "Could I Have This…"
The apocalyptic fusion of MP3.com services and Xystos' "sweat top" technology will be on display at the MP3 Summit 2000 in San Diego June 20-21. Vonnegut-esque mind control with a kick-ass rhythm and washboard abs is only a download away.
THE MUSIC OF CLIVE COMES ALIVE AT CARNEGIE HALL
That's what friends are for. (5/1a)
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THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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