SPOTIFY'S SONGS OF SUMMER: THE COOLEST OF THE HOT, AND VICE VERSA

August is almost in the rearview mirror at last, thank goodness, so it’s time to buckle down to choose the Songs of the Summer. Your pals at Spotify are all over it.

The streaming giant decided to mess with us stat geeks by switching from a simple stream count to a more complicated formula that takes into account factors like cultural impact. We'd tell you more, but, you know, it's, like, a math thing.

Are you ready? OK, then. Spotify’s Songs of the Summer, in alphabetical order by artist, are:

“BIRDS OF A FEATHER” by Billie Eilish

“HOT TO GO!” by Chappell Roan

“Not Like Us” by Kendrick Lamar

“Espresso” by Sabrina Carpenter

“A Bar Song (Tipsy)” by Shaboozey

Darkroom/Interscope’s Eilish has racked up an impressive 855 million global streams with “BIRDS,” which got an ooh-la-la boost from a performance at the closing ceremony of the Paris Summer Olympics.

Chappell’s “HOT TO GO!” (Amusement/Island), besides spawning the dance craze of the summer, generated a storm of streams after her sold-out sets at Lollapalooza and Gov Ball.

Kendrick, whose “Not Like Us” (pgLang/Interscope) started as a salvo in his much-discussed beef with Drake, transcended that by hitting the #1 spot on Spotify’s chart on the Fourth of July and camping out there for 28 days.

Island’s Carpenter, now cruising to an enormous chart bow with new album Short n’ Sweet, saw “Espresso” buzzing at #1 on the DSP’s global Top 50 for a highly caffeinated 20 days; it also summited 25 regional charts.

Shaboozey’s boozy smash (on EMPIRE) has been the #1 single in the nation for six weeks; the Range-repped country disruptor’s song has topped the Spot’s charts in the U.S. and multiple other territories around the globe.

In other exciting summer news, the AC is now working well enough that we can almost lift ourselves off the floor.