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"I find this star to be of poor construction and designed with every cliché imaginable," intones SYCO founder, reality-competition mastermind and international music genius Simon Cowell on the occasion of his addition to the Hollywood Walk of Fame. "Listen, mate, could you keep your voice down a bit?" asks Sony Music boss Rob Stringer. "We're right across the street from the HITS offices, and I really don't want them to know I'm here."

Meanwhile, Idol alumna Kelly Clarkson beamed and Leron Gruber of the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce wondered when to slip Cowell his demo tape.

NEAR TRUTHS: SPRING BLOOMS
Here come the big guns. (3/28a)
THE COUNT: COLDPLAY IS HOT, COUNTRY'S COOKIN' IN THE U.K.
The latest tidbits from the bustling live sector (3/28a)
CITY OF HOPE TAPS MARCIANO FOR TOP HONOR
This year's philanthropic model (3/28a)
TRUST IN THE TOP 20
Hip-hop is no longer hibernating. (3/28a)
UMG BROADENS SPOTIFY OFFERINGS
Sir Lucian and Daniel are in harmony. (3/28a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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