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April Fool's

EMI SAVED BY UNEXPECTED BENEFACTOR: Contrary to reports spreading around the web this morning, EMI has not been acquired by Apple. This is merely an April Fool's joke. The British company has in fact been sold to United Arab Emirates-based Abu Dhabi Media Company, already a major investor in Vevo. "This acquisition reinforces Abu Dhabi Media Company’s commitment to establish a leading position in the music industry,” said company head Al Mazroui. “It is part of an integrated approach to expanding the global presence and brand portfolio of Abu Dhabi Media Company—plus Guy Hands promised me a big kiss from Katy Perry." Once the deal clears regulatory, EMI will move its headquarters from London to Dubai. Additionally, the Capitol Tower will become a mosque. (4/1a)

ANOTHER BILLIE BANGER? (UPDATE)
Are you free Wednesday afternoon? (11/12a)
BIEBER BY CHRISTMAS?
How's that for a tease, Bieber Nation? (11/12a)
NEAR TRUTHS: MEET
THE NEW BOSSES
Not the same as the old bosses (11/12a)
CMA CENTERPIECE
CARRIE UNDERWOOD
This sure feels like her moment. (11/12a)
WHO'S GETTING ZERVAS?
It's down to two bidders. (11/12a)
THE GRAMMY NOMINATIONS
They'll soon be here, and then we can start obsessing about who'll win.
U.K. SPECIAL
Forget Brexit--it's our yearly survey of doings in Blighty. And if you still can't forget Brexit, try drinking.
ZERVAS STATION
Who's going to land the hottest unsigned property in music?
WEED!
That's what Hollywood smells like. Seriously. 24/7.
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