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CANADIAN BASON: Presenting the most persuasive case yet for limiting immigration: our own David Bason, Canadian-born manager extraordinaire (and by extraordinaire we mean that he has been observed to be breathing), seen here pouring rancid maple syrup over the American Dream. We, the entire staff of HITS Magazine, send out our most heartfelt congratulations to Mr. Bason for becoming a U.S. citizen; we know he'll enjoy the blessings of liberty as little as we do. (1/14p)

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