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Having spent the previous evening gorging on spicy Mexican food and assorted booze in the Mitch Rose suite, most golfers were wary of sudden movements on the first tee.
CAA COMMISSIONERS CUP:
THE FINAL ROUND
Cayne Is Able as the Favorites Choke
With ace cub reporter Irving Azoff sidelined with a hernia from on-court brawling while helping the Lakers to a Game Three victory, this report from veteran golf enthusiast Tiger Singh.

Early starters for the final round Saturday were greeted yet again by bleak, miserable weather at the La Costa Spa and Shithole. Having spent the previous evening gorging on spicy Mexican food and assorted booze in the Mitch Rose suite, most were wary of sudden movements on the first tee. Not so for Howard Grossman, who fired his tee shot dead left through a window of a luxury suite, his ball lodging in the anatomy of a slumbering female. After using a gap wedge for his second shot, he escaped with a double bogey.

The CAA group was readily identifiable as they spread out over the course, with only the very brave wearing the fabulous mellow-yellow and puke-green swag shirts. Fashion trendsetter Peter Paterno was not up to his usual standards, wearing only very muted surfing baggies. Doc McGhee was a no-show, remaining in the desert, and after failing to sell his boat to Lyor, was last seen negotiating a recording agreement for KISS in order to put some renewed life into the WMG artist roster.

Odds-on favorite to win again Steve Rennie gobbled the goose early with a four-putt on the first hole and kept it up for the rest of the round. Hard-luck stories abounded—John Frankenheimer's bid ended when he found hard pan on the 10th (lawyers don't deserve grass, John!); the YIPS returned to defending champion Eric Greenspan (grass will help, Eric!); and Mitch Rose believed he was in contention if he shot 59 gross but lost his focus when his phone started ringing for the Shakira tour setup (switch it off, Mitch—the tour will still sell out!). As the final groups headed toward the barn, Scott McGhee was seen wading into the sewer-infested scum pond at the par three 16th to retrieve his 9 iron, which had just failed to make him a hole-in-one and the $35,000 pot that will yet again get carried over to next year.

Tom Sciff and Rennie finished fifth, Irv Zuckerman fourth, Don Muller a spectacular third and Rick Franks a very accomplished second, with first place going to the charging Bob Cayne with a final round 74. Acceptance speeches were unquestionably a high point—oh how we miss Jason Flom, although there was a consensus that his absence could signal the return of wives, mistresses and girlfriends in future years. Hats off to Rob Light and Mitch for a most enjoyable event!
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