As part of the Capitol Music Group's commitment to environmentally sensitive business practices, we are implementing numerous changes across our business, including our packaging materials. (Ed note: All CD sleeves will now be made from recycled hemp, which can also be smoked.)

CAPITOL GOES GREEN FOR RADIO PROMO CDS

Label Group Will Service Promotional Singles in Cardboard Sleeves
The following missive went out from the Capitol Music Group promotion department to radio programmers nationwide, with our parenthetical comments.

Dear Programmer,

As part of the Capitol Music Group's commitment to environmentally sensitive business practices, we are implementing numerous changes across our business, including our packaging materials. (Ed note: All CD sleeves will now be made from recycled hemp, which can also be smoked.)

One change that we want to advise you of in advance is that very shortly our forthcoming physical promotional singles will be serviced to you in cardboard sleeves (Ed. note: Cardboard will consist of paper from business cards of people now longer at the company.) We have already initiated a phase-out of plastic jewel cases. While we understand that sometimes the jewel case is more convenient, and that it stacks easier than cardboard and displays the disc contents on the spine, we have decided that we would rather ask for your understanding and hope for your support of our efforts in light of the greater issues at stake (Ed. note: All discarded plastic jewel cases will be crushed with resulting materials used to create a beach in the conference room.)

Of course, we will continue to service all of our music to you digitally. We are also honoring the wishes of those of you who have asked to be taken off of our physical mailing lists and to be serviced digitally only. (Ed. note: Specifically, our middle digit.)

If you have any particular concerns or suggestions, we would appreciate hearing from you. (Ed. note: Are you aware of how much fossil fuel you've wasted by sending this message?)

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Space is the place for Tay. (4/26a)
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What did you expect? (4/26a)
SPRING BREAKOUTS: THESE HEATERS ARE STILL HOT
Who's Boomin who. (4/26a)
SONG REVENUE: “SWEET” SMELLS OF SUCCESS
Life after "Church" (4/26a)
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Saddle up, cowboys and cowgirls. (4/26a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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