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I mean, what are you going to say to someone in a house boarded up with plywood as the wind rages at 100+ mph outside? How’s the weather? Do you need me to FedEx you a flashlight and some candles? I told you ya shoulda moved to California.

A WEAKEND PLANNER THAT DOESN’T DESERVE AN INSTANT REPLAY

Remember to Call Your Mom, Eat Ethnic Food, Watch Football, Listen to Midtown, Vote Democratic, Pick Up Reese’s Pieces in Vanity Fair, Lament the Death of Rock and Ogle Baby Spice
Je-c, Jill and Stephy are back in the heezee, with a Weakend Planner that is sure to be off the chain (Jill and Steph say it’s soooo nifty, everybody’s work’n for the weekend, I’ve got Friday on my mind, party like it’s 1999 or whatever’s hip to say these days). Summer is just about over, school is back in session and we are just starting to find our groove. Typical. So, soak up sun this weekend in Huntington Beach at the Core Tour, catch some comedy at Ontario and Brea Improv and wrap up your weekend with some Sunday night HBO (among other things). And don’t forget to call your mom in Florida to see how she survived the earthquake and hunker down on Sunday for some NFL action. It’s your America… enjoy it while we’re still here.

Friday (9/10)
10 a.m.-10 p.m.
Mexican Independence Day
(Olivera St. & Cesar E. Chavez Ave., (213) 628-7163): Celebrate their independence from Spain back in 1810. Free entertainment, music, traditional food & crafts. Or if you want to be us for the day… Show up, drink cerveza for hours & pretend you have a clue.

5 p.m.-11 p.m.
L.A. Greek Fest
@ St. Sophia Cathedral (1324 S. Normandie Ave. (323) 737-2424): Not in the mood for Mexican? How ’bout giving the Greeks a whirl? Annual festival with food, dancing, entertainment & tours of the historic church. Or if you want to be us for the day… Show up, eat baklava for hours & pretend you have a clue.

6 p.m.
Sign up for the
PopBitch Newsletter (It’s like a nasty Page Six outta England & there’s nothin’ wrong with that!)

7:10 p.m.
Dodgers vs. St Louis Cardinals
: A big three-game series begins at Dodger Stadium. The Men In Blue look to avenge the spanking they took in St Louis last week as the Redbirds swept the D-men and completely shut down their offense. This time the battle will be at Chavez Ravine. So all you hardcore Dodgers fans go out and support your team as they look to lock down the NL west division.

8 p.m.
Resident Evil Apocalypse movie opens & looks to be a million times better than the first one. Plus, Milla Jovovich is in it and she is hott. For all you hardcore video gamers out there, this should be a big weekend.

9 p.m.
The Black Keys @ the Avalon (1735 N. Vine Hollywood): One of the best live shows to come to town. Classic ’70s sound meets punk-rock force.

Saturday (9/11)
Saturday/Sunday 9/11-12 All Day
Huntington Beach Core Tour
At the boardwalk (where it meets the pier): The best of extreme sports (BMX, Skateboarding) up-and-coming bands and beach rays. The best part is… it’s free! That’s right, no dinero. Check out the bitch’n music line-up.

Saturday:
11 a.m. Still Life Projector
12 p.m. Brandson
1 p.m. 1208
2 p.m. The Beautiful Mistake

8 p.m.
NonPoint
(Lava/Atl. G) @ The Roxy: Check out this awesome rock group from Florida. To hear their tunes before you go see them, go to myspace.com and look up NonPoint in the music section.

9 p.m.
Roseanne
@ Ontario Improv (4555 Mills Circle, Ontario, (909) 484-5411): Check out the often controversial self-proclaimed "domestic goddess"’ stand-up act. FYI, there’s also an earlier show at 7 p.m.

Sunday (9/12)
All Day - Huntington Beach Core Tour - Day 2
11 a.m. Grounded
12 p.m. Army of Freshman
1 p.m. HelloGoodbye
2 p.m. Chronic Future

5 a.m. 3 p.m.
The Rose Bowl Flea Market
(1001 Rose Bowl Drive, Pasadena, CA (626-577-3100): How many antique bed sheets and headboards are left in the world? If you really care about the answer to this question, you need to get your butt down to the Rose Bowl bright and early so you can see all of them before you decide to purchase one.

10 a.m.10 p.m.
L.A. County Fair
@ Fairplex (1101 W. Mc Kinley Ave, Pomona, (909) 623-3111): Take the kids and have a blast at this amazing event. It runs thru 9/26. They’ve got Monster Trucks. Need we say more?

11 a.m.
(Shameless plug) Check out HITS’ own Rae Dileo’s (producer for Filter, Radford, Henry Rollins, many more) awesome website. I recommend everyone go check it out for Rae’s background, how he got into the biz and see that the guy’s a lot more than a one-dimensional music producer.

7 p.m.
The Ramones 30th Anniversary Party @the Avalon (1735 N. Vine Hollywood): It might not be the same as seeing them live at CBGB’s in their hayday… but it’s pretty damn close. Come see members from bands such as the Dickies, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Pearl Jam and Sex Pistols pay tribute to one of our favorite punk bands with Marky and CJ Ramone. Tickets: $35.

Jay Mohr @ Brea Improv (714-482-0700): Watching him in host mode on Last Comic Standing just isn’t enough for you? Come out & see Jay’s stand-up without any of that annoying voting. He’s here all weekend.

9 p.m.
The Backstreet Boys @House of Blues (8430 Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood): Admit it. You love to sing their songs at karaoke, so don’t miss this chance to watch your favorite boy band live at the HOB. Wait a minute … the Backstreet Boys at HOB?! What the ?!*#%?

9 p.m.
Six Feet Under Season Finale (HBO):
Season 4 comes to a close with Claire dipping into the drugs & sex scene, Nate’s secrets revealed, David being asked to identify the bad guy & that dude from Babe gets stranger by the minute.

10 p.m.
Entourage Season Finale (HBO):
No!!! We’ve gotten too attached to say goodbye so quickly. We can’t wait for this show to hurry back. Until then, somebody better figure out what’s been going on with E’s voice the past coupla episodes. He’s coming off very Brenda Vaccaro.

Upcoming Events
Tues. (9/14) @ 8:30 p.m.
Comedy @ Martini Blues
in Huntington Beach: You a surfer? You just like to live somewhere where you can look at people in wet suits? Either way, if you live down there, come see some stand up.

POPCULT TOP 10
1. Not Calling Your Mother in Delray Beach, FL, During Hurricane Frances: Even Ricky Leigh admonished me on this one. I mean, what are you going to say to someone in a house boarded up with plywood as the wind rages at 100+ mph outside? How’s the weather? Do you need me to FedEx you a flashlight and some candles? I told you ya shoulda moved to California. When I finally got through on the cell, she said: "People were calling us from Australia, and my son can’t pick up the phone to check up on us? That’s it. This is the straw that broke the camel’s back…" Geez, I wonder if she’ll take me out of the will. On the other hand, I wonder if there's anything left in the will. (Roy Trakin)

2. NFL Kickoff: The pro football season is like no other. There’s only 16 games, so every one takes on event status, and as a diehard Jets fan, I am used to my season being over before the leaves are off the trees. This year, I have plenty of reason to hope… and even more to wonder in what cruel and unusual way the Green Machine will let me down. Everyone’s saying the NFC looks like a battle between Philly, Seattle and who else? The Skins with Clinton Portis and the return of Joe Gibbs; the Cowboys with Parcells and Vinny reunited? Whoever emerges will have their hands full with the AFC finalist, which sure looks like the Pats and Tom Brady's to lose, the Colts and Peyton Manning 's to win or the Chiefs and Dick Vermeil’s to steal. Unless Chad Pennington turns into the second coming of Joe Namath, Curtis Martin discovers the fountain of youth and our #1 draft choice-laden defensive line puts some pressure on the opposing QB. Hey, I can dream, can’t I? It's still September. (RT)

3. Vanity Fair: Not nearly as bad as its naysayers would have you believe, though William Makepeace Thackery’s vicious satire of 19th century class warfare in the U.K. is rather blunted by, ironically, the individual performers’ "vanity." Critics have complained that Reese Witherspoon, doing her best Tara from Gone With the Wind, is more victim than victimizer as the novel’s centerpiece Becky Sharp, described by one character as not so much a social climber as a "mountaineer." The supporting turns are uniformly fine, especially Bob Hoskins, who seems to be having a ball in his role as a seedy no account-count, and Indian director Mia Nair’s (Salaam Bombay) production is stuffed with eastern exotica. If you don’t expect more than a sumptious Merchant-Ivory costume drama, you won’t be disappointed. (RT)

4. Midtown, Forget What You Know (Columbia): The title of this album from these post-emo Jersey natives is the best way to approach the band's new sound, after splitting from their deal with Drive-Thru/MCA and their roots as a Blink-182 style pop-punk outfit. Vocalist/ lyricist/bassist Gabrial Saporta is the real star, with an existential, God-is-dead, we’re-all-fucked POV redeemed by the forceful martial melodies of the first single, "Give It Up," with lyrics like, "The silence kills the calm of the night/I force an anxious patience…waiting for my turn to die." This is music that transcends the genre’s solipsism, and aims straight at the heavy questions… Who are we? What is reality? What are we here for? Where are we going? And what happens when we get there? Sample titles include "Empty Like the Ocean," "Hey Baby, Don’t You Know That We’re All Whores" and the amazing, 13-minute-long mantra, "So Long As We Keep Our Bodies Numb, We’re Safe." The latter concludes the album with an endless loop that combines "all the time in the world/don’t listen" into one continuous yin-yang whole. (RT)

5. Emma, Free Me (19 Entertainment): The Artist Formerly Known as Baby Spice, Emma Bunton makes her U.S. solo debut sometime next year with her second album, which has already produced four singles in the U.K. under the direction of American Idol mastermind (and former Spice Girls manager) Simon Fuller. Harking back to such swinging ’60s musical touchstones as Dusty Springfield, Petula Clark, Motown, Bacharach/David and Astrud Gilberto, Emma creates a sensual, come-hither pose that fits her like a slinky miniskirt. "Free Me" is in the Sade mold, "Maybe" is self-described '60s pop kitsch and "I’ll Be There," with a video homage to Jean Luc-Godard’s Breathless, is reminiscent of the Carnaby St. era of "Don’t Sleep in the Subway." The exuberant bossa nova of her cover of "Crickets Sing for Anamaria" is an irresistible ode to the wild thing, while the treated scat singing of "Who the Hell Are You" attaches the Spice Girls’ message of grrrl power to a whole new musical style. You’ve come a long way, Baby. (RT).

6. 10,000 Maniacs: These veterans from upstate New York are trekking across the country again, but that’s not Natalie Merchant singing lead, it’s Oskar Saville. (Merchant hasn’t performed with the group since the early ’90s.) When the Weakend Planner spoke to her last week, she told us she’s a foodie who loves to cook and can’t get enough of grocery stores. "I have to visit every one I see," she says. This cookbook collector makes a mean Thai Red Curry. Mmm. Let’s eat. (Valerie Nome)

7. John Kerry: Dead in the water. Seemingly incapable of snatching victory from the jaws of defeat. Unless there’s another terrorist attack, we might as well wait for 2008, when the Dems can run Hillary Clinton against Arnold Schwarzenegger or Rudolf Giuliani. Why don’t we have a killer like Karl Rove? Where’s James Carville when we really need him? And why are people paying $2,500 for the record Kerry’s garage band put out when he was in prep school? Da Dems are the Mets of politics. (RT)

8. Is Rock Dead... Again? Lotsa chatter over the short shrift given rock at the recent MTV Video Music Awards, with Jet, Hoobastank and Yellowcard lumped in a single segment that amounted to little more than a "medley" of their respective hit singles. Touted as someone you haven't heard of yet (if you were leiving under a rock, that is), Polyphonic Spree, festooned in multicolored robes rather than plain white, put on a good show, but again, does anybody really care? Yellowcard did score an impressive 16% jump on this week’s chart after their performance. (RT)

9. The Killers, Hot Fuss (Island/IDJ): Rock may well be dead, but this Las Vegas quartet proves marrying jangling guitars to a dancefloor beat never goes out of style. With a nod to the halcyon days of Manchester's Hacienda night club and such late-'80s/early '90s 24-hour party people like the Smiths, Happy Mondays and Stone Roses, it's no wonder these high rollers are breaking in the U.K. first. And while "Somebody Told Me" is the lead track, the whole album is tight enough rhythmically that you don't even mind the filler. (RT)

10. What Replacement Song Are You? Find out what Replacements song you are! Take this ‘lil quiz. Our own Ivana is "Alex Chilton." Who are you?… Really, who are you? We can’t remember shit. Oh no wait, we just don’t care. But take the test anyway here. (Jill)

TRAKIN'S QUICKS TO FLICK
Cellular (New Line Cinema):
Kim Basinger reaches out and touches someone on her celly cell, specifically a young man (Chris Evans), revealing that she’s been kidnapped and thinks she’s about to be killed, along with her husband and son, who the kidnappers have gone after next. The catch? She doesn’t know where she is and the guy’s cell phone battery is dying. Written by veteran screenwriter Larry Cohen (Phone Booth) and directed by David Ellis (Final Destination 2). There hasn’t really been a good phone terror movie since Dial M for Murder.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse (Screen Gems/Sony): Sequel to 2002 horror film based on the popular video game series. An elite military agent (Milla Jovovich) finds herself stranded in the ruins of Raccoon City following a virus outbreak which has turned the city’s inhabitants into bloodthirsty zombies. She teams up with other survivors, including another heroine, who finds herself being hunted down by a massive monster called Nemesis. Screenplay penned by Paul Anderson, creator of Alien vs. Predator. I make it a point never to see movies based on a video game. Best-selling Roadrunner/IDJ soundtrack includes Slipknot, The Used, The Cure, Lacuna Coil, A Perfect Circle, Killswitch Engage, The Deftones, Thrice, Rammstein, DevilDriver, Cradle of Filth, CKY, HIM, Demon Hunter, Cold, Rob Zombie and Massive Attack.

SPOTIFY SINGS A SONG OF ONG
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TOP 20: LOVER IS A FIGHTER
It's neck-and-neck heading into the final day of the sales week. (10/21a)
GRAMMY COUNTRY ALBUM CONTENDERS
With Kacey out, who's a likely nominee? (10/21a)
"EASY" IMPACT: ADELE'S AIRWAVE TAKEOVER
Another domino falls. (10/18a)
A MOVING HITS LIST
For Adele, it's "Easy," for the Grammys, not so much. (10/20a)
ADELE ADELE ADELE
Adele; Adele Adele?
ADELE ADELE ADELE ADELE ADELE ADELE
A... dele?
ADELE ADELE
Adele Adele; Adele.
ADELE ADELE ADELE ADELE
(Adele.)
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