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The only reason you would catch me at The Dukes of Hazzard is because Jessica Simpson is just ridiculously sexy.
THIS WEAKEND PLANNER IS IN A HOLDING ACTION
One Interminable Week Down in the Dullest Month of the Year. But That’s Why God Made Premium Cable
CALENDAR
Friday, August 5
11:00am
Ventura County Fair @ Seaside Park: Sitting on 62 acres of beachfront property, it’s obvious why this is the fair of all fairs. Special musical guests include: The Wallflowers (8/9) & Hoobastank (8/11). Fair runs through Aug. 12. (10 Harbor Blvd.)
12:00pm

ESPN X Games 11 @ Staples Center: Huge contest with huge players. Look for names like Tony Hawk (now 81 years old), Bucky Lasek, Ryan Nyquist, etc. Events include skateboarding, Moto & BMX. As always, star-studded parties, tons of swag & live music go hand in hand with this event. Tomorrow, too. www.expn.com (1111 S. Figueroa St.)

3:00pm
Tiny Living: Such a cute store. After a married couple spent nine nine months living in a one-room, 200 sq ft Manhattan studio, they decided to open this East Village shop. The store’s separated into living, kitchen/bath & office areas, and it sells tons of space-saving, multi-purpose items. www.tiny-living.com (125 E. 7th St., btwn 1st/Ave A).
8:00pm

8:00pm
Shelby Lynne @ the Coach House: Intensity & talent always makes for a good live show. (33157 Camino Capistrano, San Juan Capistrano, 949-496-8930

Theatricum Botanicum Presents These Friday Nights: Intimate songwriter series under the stars in Topanga Canyon. Emerging songwriters share their stories & music. Need we say more? Probably not, but we will. Tonight, KCRW’s Nic Harcourt welcomes independent recording artists Inara George (daughter of the late, great Little Feat auteur Lowell George), Gary Jules & Jesca Hoop. Info: www.theatricum.com or (310) 455-3723. Series runs thru Aug. @ The Will Geer Theatricum Botanicum (1419 N. Topanga Canyon Blvd., Topanga, CA)

CKY @ the Viper Room: Bam rockin’ the strip!

The Book of Liz: They’ve extended the dates for David & Amy Sedaris’ previously sold-out wacky play. I’d be very happy, by the way, to live with a Sedaris. Any Sedaris will do. @ Second Stage Theatre (6500 Santa Monica Blvd. @ Wilcox). Ph: (323) 661-9827

Stevie Nicks @ The Colosseum at Caesars Palace: Those looking for a live journey through Stevie Nicks' greatest hits have just hit the motherlode. This is a special Vegas-only show.

11:00pm
The Idiots @ the UCB Theatre, LA: This show is BRILLIANT! So funny, I saw it last weekend. It stars Craig Anton & Ron Lynch as a couple of bumbling idiots who’ve been forced to work together for years even though they dislike each other … so as to outdo their Nobel Peace Prize winning dads. Who also hated each other. There’s a ridiculous stage crew (the best black-outs in any sketch show ever) and even some Heroin. Tix: $5.
www.ucbtheatre.com or www.idiotsthe.com ( 5919 Franklin Ave., LA)

Saturday, August 6
11:00am

Sea World: Summer is coming to a close (thanks Jesse, jesus), head down to San Diego & check out Shamu & friends.

1:00pm
Roll Bounce Skate-Off, LA: Nat’l quad-skate regionals are goin’ down. Go to brush up on your mad skillz if you don’t wanna compete. Check out the official site to sign up for your city. www.rollbounceskateoff.com Goes til 4pm today @ Holiday Skate Center (175 N. Wayfield St., Orange County) Ph: (714) 997-5283

7:30pm
And 1 Mix Tape Tour @ The United Center: For those of you who grew up playing basketball in a shiny, clean gym or get your basketball fix from a television set or an Xbox or PS2 console: catching the And 1 Mix Tape Tour live ought to be your eye-opener of the century. But this isn’t just about hoops. There are also Rap Battles, swag giveaways and autograph sessions. Hell yeah! Count us in!

8:00pm
DEVO @ HOB, WeHo: Get out your flowerpot hats. Tomorrow night, too. (8430 W. Sunset Blvd.)

Downsouth @ Ziggies in Denver: Downsouth is going mile-high. Featuring members of Etta James Band, Zac Harmon & Judge Jackson.

11:00pm
Cabana Club: the former Sunset Room is already bringin’ out the heavy VIPs & celebs of Tinseltown. In fact, we’re fairly sure our own, Rodel Delfin, kicks it there. There’s bungalows and even a pool/water way of sorts going through the outdoor area. (1429 Ivar Ave., H’wood)

12:00am
The Brody Stevens Festival of Laughter @ the UCB Theatre, LA: Brody does warm up for The Best Damn Sports Show and you’ve probably seen him on Kimmel, Kilborn etc. He’s a friend & one of the funnier comics out there. www.brodystevens.com Tix: $5

Sunday, August 7
12:00pm

The Erotic Museum, Hollywood: Recently re-designed & re-vamped. I’m horny already. New exhibits: The Folk Show (a group show of erotic art) and Sex Ed 102 (progressive film, audio, art & more from the free love era) open this weekend. No one under 18 admitted. For Info/Pics to take in the bathroom w/you: www.theeroticmuseum.com Ph: (323) GO EROTIC (@ 6741 Hollywood Blvd.)

1:00pm
My Date With Drew: You gotta admire this dude’s persistence. Ever since he first saw Drew (in E.T.) in the second grade, the now 27-year-old has been obsessed. Uh, “in love” is probably what the film’s publicist would prefer we say. After Brian Herzlinger wins $1100 on a game show (where, prophetically, the winning answer was in fact, “Drew Barrymore”, he decides to give himself 30 days (amount of time before he has to return his camera to Circuit City) & his prize money to film his efforts to get a date with Drew Barrymore.

8:00pm
Jack Johnson @ Verizon Wireless Ampitheatre: Surfer turned singer-songwriter kicks it (there’s no one who comes off more casual than this dude & his fans seriously dig him) @ 8808 Irvine Ctr. Dr. Check w/venue for times. Ph: (949) 855-8096

8:30pm
Pussycat Dolls @ Caesars Palace Hotel & Casino

9:00pm
Six Feet Under (HB0): Last three episodes of the series. And as last week’s show demonstrated, the producers are not pussying out on us in the surprises department.

10:00pm
Queer as Folk (Showtime): Series finale.

11:00pm
Weeds (Showtime): Special preview of much buzzed-about series, with Mary Louise-Parker playing a suburban widowed single mom who takes up dealing marijuana to help support her two kids. This is gonna be some good shit. The kind, as they say. Regular airings will be Mon, Wed & Fri @ 10pm. Also starring Kevin Nealon & Elizabeth Perkins. And lots of weed. Did we say this is gonna be some good shit yet?

Upcoming
8/13
8:00pm
Aviatic @ Citywalk outdoor stage

9:30pm
Allrise, Nimbus @ the Roxy

JE-C’S NEW-MOVIE RUNDOWN
The Dukes of Hazzard
Starring: Jessica Simpson, Johnny Knoxville, Seann William Scott, Burt Reynolds and Willie Nelson
Synopsis: This present-day update of the old TV series finds Bo and Luke Duke and their hot cousin Daisy running moonshine with Uncle Jesse in order to save the family farm from Hazzard County's commissioner, Boss Hogg. Keeping the Dukes ahead of the authorities, including Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane, is their bright orange '69 Dodge Charger, the General Lee.
Thoughts: Yee-haw, this movie looks really dumb, but then again so was the show, so who knows, this could be a big hit. The only reason you would catch me at this movie is because Jessica Simpson is just ridiculously sexy.

JE-C’S TOP FIVE MOVIES OF THE YEAR
5. Wedding Crashers
4. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
3. Hustle & Flow
2 .Batman Begins
1. Crash

BIGGEST DISAPOINTMENT
War of the Worlds: Spielberg, buddy, you let me down. I can usually always count on you delivering a classic movie, but this was far from that. [Note from Jill: I like when Jesse says “Spielberg, buddy”…a lot).

MOVIE I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD WATCH, OR EVEN LIKE
A Walk to Remember
. My girlfriend convinced me to rent this movie, and I have to give her credit [Ed. Note: Good move, dude]—what a really good movie. I thought it was just going to be another dumb chick flic,k but it’s got a great story, and Mandy Moore is really good.

FAVORITE SONGS THIS WEEK
Stereophonics, “Dakota”
Marjorie Fair, “Empty Room”

NEAR TRUTHS:
THE CAKE AND
THE CANDLES
Marketshare machers. (10/26a)
KDOTTED LINE
A pending deal fro Kendrick. (10/26a)
YTD MARKETSHARE: AND THE WINNER IS...
It's a lock. (10/26a)
CHART STORY: TAY
MAKES IT EIGHT
Adding to her chart 'lore. (10/23a)
ONCE IN A LIFETIME
Vote. Do it now. (10/26a)
RAINMAKERS 2020
Bring your umbrella.
GRAMMY OUTLIERS
Mulling possible surprises.
HALLOWEEN IN QUARANTINE
Why not wear a mask indoors?
ELECTION 2020
What drugs will help us get there?
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