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Glen’s cover of "Up Where We Belong" depressed me. Or made me feel like I had no one to dance the last dance with at a bar mitzvah. Either way, I felt that somewhere in Baltimore, my mom was mad at me for listening to this CD. I’m not sure if this was Campbell’s goal, but by the second disc, I drank every time he said/sang, "Jesus." And dude, I got mad drunk.
A WEAKEND PLANNER THAT’S JUST ONE MORE SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE
The Kids Are All Right, as Harry Potter, Lakers-Pistons, The Streets, Henny Youngman, Glen Campbell, Smarty Jones and More Try to Avoid the June Swoon
Yo, so check it out people, we’re changin' up your Weakend Planner right now. You’ll notice some differences this week and we’ll keep on tweaking until we get it right, or until Lenny gets sick of kvetching about it, whichever comes first. And we want you to participate along with us. We want to know what you’re doing over the weekends and what you’re looking forward to, and because this is HITS, what sucks. We’re also hunting for a new name, a new tag for all you street kidz, so if you have any ideas, e-mail them to us and the winner will get a special prize. Again, this is HITS, so the prize, if you ever get it, will probably suck. Also coming next week, we’ll be going all kinds of INTERACTIVE on your asses. So keep checking back with us and giving us your feedback. Even if it sucks. Because again, this is HITS, where we’re used to sucking.

WHAT BE GOIN DOWN YO
I’m heading off to Tucson to visit my sis and make the drive back to L.A. with her. This weekend is a big one for me because the new Harry Potter movie opens and I have been waiting for it for months. I was so into the first two, I actually read the book the movie is based on. However, I face a predicament, since all my buddies are too cool to actually go check out this flick with me, so I’m left to see it on my own. The book is amazing and I am sure the movie will be just as good. This weekend is also my mom’s birthday and the first game of the NBA Finals, both of which happen to fall on the same day. This leaves me in another predicament, but I’m sure there’ll be plenty of time to spend with my mom and still catch the game.

I seem to be the only one around here, other than Detroit fans, who actually thinks the Pistons can beat the Lakers. If you take a look at each position, there are good match-ups everywhere. This series is going to get very physical and it could get ugly, as the new generation of Bad Boys plans to shake things up in La La Land. I am truly excited about this series. I’m also really excited that my Clips stole the second pick in the draft and are now poised to make this a big summer. The $5 increase in season-ticket prices may just in fact be worth it, especially if you know who will  end up being a Clipper next year!!

Also, just in case any of you were curious, my band Nimbus’ show last Friday night at the El Rey Theater was amazing. We had an incredible turnout and a lot of fun. As far as awesome shows are concerned, I’m bummed I won’t be able to make it to see A Perfect Circle this weekend as I will be driving back from Phoenix. If anyone going could e-mail and let me know how it was, I would truly be grateful: [email protected]. (Je-C)

JILL’S WEEKLY 9 (BECAUSE 10 IS SO OBVIOUS)

SHOW MY TIVO IS CONVINCED I LOVE THIS WEEK: Summerland (and it’s only aired once. My TiVo is very advanced)

TV SHOW I ACTUALLY LOVE THIS WEEK: Premium Blend (Comedy Central): Because it’s fun to watch my friends. I totally don’t get jealous of their national airtime. At all. I prefer just doing the clubs. And writing this.

SEEN/HEARD THIS WEEK: "You were funnier than Sarah Silverman." (Said to me after we both did stand-up @ the Improv. I am overwhelmingly obsessed with Sarah Silverman. Therefore, I am now incredibly cocky. But tragically, no closer to being best friends with her). Fine, this is my entry from last week. But really, go away if you can’t understand why I like looking at it for a bit longer.

FAVORITE PICK ON A MENU THIS WEEK: Pizza Rosa (Palermo)

FAVORITE TRADER JOE’S PRODUCT THIS WEEK: Frozen peas from Trader Joe’s (for realzzz)

SONG I KEEP LISTENING TO THIS WEEK: Jet, "Look What You’ve Done"

DRINK I KEEP DRINKING THIS WEEK: Margaritas

COMMERCIAL I AUDITIONED FOR THAT’S AIRING (W/O ME) THIS WEEK: I did see a commercial for Jeff Foxworthy’s new Blue Collar TV show on the WB. This is a pilot in the sketch format with dudes from the comedy tour of the same name. Anyway, I auditioned for it. I prepared five original characters. Whatever, Foxworthy.

Now that we’ve gotten the hip portion of your Weakend Planner, the tight part, the dope section, out of the way, it’s time to return to your regularly scheduled Adult programming. Highlights of the weekend: seeing if Philly’s Smarty Jones, winner of the Kentucky Derby and Preakness, can take the Belmont and earn the 12th Triple Crown in history and first in 26 years, since 1978’s Affirmed. The horse, which has captured the public’s imagination like no nag since Seabiscuit, will go off a 2-5 favorite in the race on Saturday. Meanwhile, Lakers-Pistons begins Sunday, which also marks the finale of The Sopranos, with insiders saying to look for Tony S. and Christopher to wack Steve Buscemi’s Tony B.

TOUGH ENOUGH: THE NBA FINALS
It's happened already. Whenever the Lakers get into the Finals, the opposing Eastern city's newspaper columnist comes with an ultra-fresh take of "Glitz vs. Grit," "Showtime vs. Overtime" and my personal favorite, "Stars vs. Scars." Give me a break. This is THE most tired, lazy, boring and, yes, untrue comparison in all of sports.  Let me get this straight. Magic, Kareem and Worthy were not tough?  Shaquille, Malone, Fish and Kobe are not physical?? Only Eastern Conference basketball is gritty?  Did anybody watch Houston, San Antonio and Minnesota during these playoffs?? OK, enough ranting.  The Lake Show is heavily favored to beat another offensively challenged Eastern foe, but this should be an entertaining and interesting series. The matchups do favor Los Angeles; however, the Lakers' age and arrogance will conspire to make this a closer battle than the national media will have us believe.  The every-other-day schedule will wear on them, especially Shaq, whose game, despite all the hype, is quickly deteriorating. The subplots are many.  Kobe vs. Rip is one-sided, which is why Larry Brown will use Tayshaun Prince on Kobe down the gut of ballgames. Rasheed vs. Malone is a battle of technicals just waiting to explode.  Shaq vs. Ben Wallace & his Hacksters will get bloody.  Larry Brown vs. Phil is especially delicious.  There is a prevailing notion that Larry is the better coach because he's had to win without great talent.  Hogwash. Yeah, I'm biased, but Phil is the best coach in the history of sports. What he's done this year alone should get him a statue in front of Staples.  What really separates this Laker crew from the rest of the league is MENTAL toughness and that starts with their coach.  Jackson gives his teams such a rock-like spiritual foundation that whenever things get REALLY tough and they have to dig deep, their execution is solid. Let's just hope that these Finals to not descend into the absolute train wreck that was the Eastern Conference Finals.  That took the game back 40 years. The Lakers should prevail in six games and then get ready for the most exciting part of this traveling circus... THE OFF SEASON! (ABC Sunday 6 p.m. Pacific/9 p.m. Eastern). (Joel Amsterdam)

POPCULT TOP 10
1. The Streets, A Grand Don’t Come For Free (Vice/Atlantic): One-man band Mike Skinner takes you inside his very distinctive world in this Cockney hip-hopera about a geezer who loses his money, his bird and his gang before ultimately regaining his soul, sadder but wiser. With a thick accent that recalls Ian Dury, Skinner narrates a series of vignettes over a minimal, yet insinuating, beat that combines British offshoots jungle, drums & bass, trip-hop and garage accompanying tales that sound so real you can easily mistake them for the narrator’s own. The colloquialisms are every bit as exotic and rhythmic as ghetto-speak, but the feelings remain close to the surface, especially in poignant love songs like "Wouldn’t Have It Any Other Way" (its Motown-like harmonies forming a Greek chorus to the protagonist "roachin' a spliff and watching TV" on his girlfriend's sofa) and the remarkable, cinematic "Dry Your Eyes," a lament for lost romance originally intended for Chris Martin to sing. Defining a community like "All the Young Dudes" as penned by Ray Davies for a new generation of post-punk, post-rap lads trapped in a circle of drugs and self-destruction, Skinner is more than England’s answer to Eminem. This stunning sophomore effort demonstrates he’s a fully formed creation in his own right/write, at once more human and even more desperate to get out. (Roy Trakin)

2. Glen Campbell, 24 Songs of Faith, Hope and LoveLove is the Answer (Universal South): When Lenny Beer gave me this CD to review for the Weakend Planner, I immediately thought: That’s a long title, seemingly heavy on the religion. And, that Beer is one krazy Jew. He’s also sexy, intelligent and his clothes hang perfectly on him. Lenny Beer is also a lovely person to work for. That said, what’s up with Campbell? Titles included in this two disc package are "O, How I Love Jesus," "Pass Me Not, O Gentle Saviour," "The Old Rugged Cross," "I Need Thee Every Hour" and perhaps my favorite, "Mary, Did You Know?" Which I’m convinced is a subtle reference to The DaVinci Code. Glen’s cover of "Up Where We Belong" depressed me. Or made me feel like I had no one to dance the last dance with at a bar mitzvah. Either way, I felt that somewhere in Baltimore, my mom was mad at me for listening to this CD. I’m not sure if this was Campbell’s goal, but by the second disc, I drank every time he said/sang, "Jesus." And dude, I got mad drunk. (Jill Kushner)

3. Teena Marie, La Dona (Cash Money/Universal): Back in the day, Teena Marie was the Vanilla Chile protégé of "Superfreak" Rick James. A musical prodigy with chops and hooks for days, her "Square Biz" was a liberation—and "Lovergirl" was the shining phoenix-rising work of a woman who knew how to blow it up and roll a groove hard. Now the Gypsy Queen of Funk returns with an album as much a work-out on what she knows as a roiling R&B boil of groove and "game on." Produced in part by Cash Money's Mannie Fresh, "I'm Still In Love" is a groaning witness to keeping the faith, while Gerald Levert shows up for "A Rose By Any Other Name." "The Mackin' Game" features acolytes MC Lyte and Medusa, the uplifting "Recycle Hate To Love" offers Lady Levi and Alia Rose, Common checks in for "Revelations 3:18" and James helps fire and ice "I Got You." Lady T knows life is deep and complex, love is critical and reaching higher the only option. On the demi-thematic title track, which revolves around the notion of Marie as a street matriarch/guardian angel, she gets all those aspects together in the name of the funk. It's good to have her so free, so there, so throwing down—even in the laidback places. (Holly Gleason)

4. Henny Youngman, Take My Wife, Please! (Citadel Press): When I first got out of graduate school, I worked for a PR company run by a cigar-chomping ex-sportswriter named Ted Worner who counted both Joe DiMaggio and Youngman among his pals. Henny used to drop by the office all the time and offer us "diamond pins." He’d then hand us a safety pin with a ten-cent piece soldered on it… literally, a "dime on pin." Youngman is to stand-up as the Ramones are to punk-rock, the Platonic ideal of simplicity and concise, to-the-point expression. This "Giant Book of Jokes" includes his classic material separated into categories, but his "take my wife, please" humor is the best: "I’ve been married for 34 years and I’m still in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she’ll kill me." Or "My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him." Or "I miss my wife’s cooking—as often as I can." Delivered with his impeccable sense of timing and several squeaks on his omnipresent violin, these one-liners form a veritable haiku of comedy. Thanks to Sony Music’s Keith McCarthy for sending it to me. (RT)

5. Vladimir Guerrero: Well, what can you say, a lousy stand in Toronto was TOTALLY overshadowed by the out-of-the-park homer super Vlad hit on Wednesday night in Anaheim against the Red Sox. Setting an Angels record for nine RBIs in a game, Vlad is just an amazing player—watching him just connect with the ball each time up made you feel like you were watching the game in the post-season, not in June. Adding to Halo fans’ excitement, the team just keeps developing more talent. Chone Figgins continues to shine and burn up the bases. David Eckstein is on a seven-game hit streak. Jose Molina (wheels) continues to burn it up. And, how about Raul Mondesi? It’s great to have a veteran with talent in the outfield, especially with Garrett Anderson on the DL. If the team can get it’s focus back—and with Vlad’s performance last night lighting up the ballpark it looks like it’s on the right track. Pitchers Francisco Rodriguez, Ramon Ortiz and Kevin Gregg are looking great, while Robert Colon and Troy Percival are struggling. Here’s to a June where those two veteran pitchers and team leaders get back in their stride. The Angels host Cleveland for a four-game home stand starting June 3, then host Milwaukee June 8-10. All games on Fox Sports Net. Also, don’t forget to vote for your favorite MLB player here.  My picks? Scott Spiezio (3rd), Guerrero (OF), Suzuki (OF), Williams (OF), Guillen (OF), Eckstein (SS), Kennedy (2nd), Bonds (NL OF). (Hanna "Angel Eyes" Pantle)

6. JoJo: Who would expect a 13-year-old to harness the rage of "Leave (Get Out)"… and then propel it into a hit single? The Edgewater, NJ, teen, who lives in the same waterfront community that is home to Mario Winans and Fat Joe, is moving up the Pop charts. Her self-titled debut, JoJo (Blackground/Universal), hits stores June 22. Teens no doubt will be buying considering her video is a mainstay on TRL. Get ready for the next wave of teenpop. (Valerie Nome)

7. East Side Story: The places to hit up this Weakend are over on L.A.’s east side. First, check out the fabulous Mexican restaurant called Malo (4362 Sunset Blvd., Silverlake), which means "bad" in espanol, but in this case, the food is pretty tasty and the bar is pretty rockin’. The same dude who opened Cobras & Matadors and the Hillmont owns it. And the menu features everything from pork chops in onion and tomatillo salsa, to chicken yucateco marinated in achiote and citrus, to three types of ceviche. Mmm-mmm, it’s making me hungry already! Don’t let the party stop there, though. Go for post-dinner cocktails at the 4100 Bar (4100 Sunset Blvd., Silverlake). Leave your car right where it is, cause the 4100 bar is located just a hop, skip and a jump from the restaurant. Keep the drinks coming! (Stephanie)

8. The Veils: I came across this Rough Trade CD randomly a few weeks back while at Tower Records and I’ve been giving it spins non-stop. This 10-song disc is truly a solid album that plays all the way through. The unique sound comes from a mix of distinctive songwriting and the lead singer’s rich, mellow voice. They have toured with the Raveonettes, British Sea Power, and The Cooper Temple Clause. Check out all the song, starting with "The Wild Son." (Stephanie)

9. The Cooler (DVD): William Macy didn’t earn an Oscar nom (which went to co-star Alex Baldwin) for his role as a down-in-the-mouth gambler whose luck is so bad an old school Vegas casino uses his big loser energy to rub off on tables that get "too hot." Still, in this how-the-real-world-works passion play, the way-it-is might well be sobering, but it also advances the notion that humanity and the heart can supercede the sheer force of power. Graphic in terms of sex and violence, the brutality of the player's natural order is tempered by portrayals of people who refuse to compromise their true nature. Inspiring, if too real—and truly an award-worthy performance for Macy, even if it was overlooked by the Academy. (HG)

10. Cary Grant: A Class Apart (Turner Classic Movies): Robert Trachtenberg’s remarkable documentary about the British-born, working class Archibald Leech captures the legendary elan of the debonair actor as he created the Cary Grant persona and worked his way up the Hollywood ladder to the top of his craft. The film shows how Grant sculpted that iconic character with the help of master directors like Leo McCarey, George Cukor, Howard Hawks and Alfred Hitchcock. Two of his four wives are interviewed (with Dyan Cannon the notable exception), and tales of his alleged homosexual relationship with longtime Malibu roommate Randolph Scott and his own LSD experimentation are also included. Grant’s relaxed ability to play in screwball comedy (Bringing Up Baby), action movies (Gunga Din, North by Northwest) and serious drama (None But the Lonely Heart, for which he received one of his two Oscar nominations—he never won one) are illuminated through the use of clips. Among today’s stars, perhaps only Harrison Ford exhibits the same kind of laidback charm, physical presence and populist accessibility. (RT)

LOS FELIZ STREET FAIR
Jonesing for something to do on Sundays? Head over to the Los Feliz street fair on Hillhurst Ave. (between Franklin & Price). Check out the arts & crafts, great food, rides for the kiddies and great live music.

The music line-up goes as follows:

12 noon: I see Hawks in LA

1 p.m.: Bedroom Walls

2 p.m.: Inara George

3 p.m.: The Vacation

4 p.m. Earlimart

5 p.m.: Dengue Fever (Stephanie)

TRAKIN’S PICKS TO FLICK
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Warner Bros.)
Premise:
The third installment of J. K. Rowling’s series of fantasies starts during the summer before Harry's third year at Hogwarts. Forced on the run after an incident where he was unable to control his anger on a bus, he hears about Sirius Black, a renegade wizard who was a Prisoner at Azkaban and may have killed his parents. What Harry doesn't suspect is that Black escaped to look for him.
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Gary Oldman, David Thewlis, Emma Thompson, Julie Christie, Robbie Coltrane, Michael Gambon, Richard Griffiths, Julie Walters, Alan Rickman, Fiona Shaw
Director:
Acclaimed Latin director Alfonso Cuaron, whose films include the 1995 family film, A Little Princess and the Mexican erotic hit, Y Tu Mama Tambien, has reportedly made the story much darker and more erotically tinged than Chris Columbus’ first two efforts.
Thumbs Up
: Harry Potter for adults, with lush cinematography and twisted motives.
Thumbs Down:
It’s still largely a kids’ film, fer chrissake.
Soundtrack: Warner/Sunset
album includes complete John Williams score.
Website:
www.Azkaban.com

www.craigslist.com: POST OF THE WEEK

BLACK BODYBUILDER FOR SALE GOOD LOOKING


Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2004-05-27, 1:03PM PDT
HANDSOME BLACK BODYBUILDER FOR SALE, ILLL TAKE CARE OF THE HOME, ILLL BE YOUR PERSONAL TRAINER AND COMPANION, PRICE LET’S TALK, I’M 6 FOOT 3 205 POUNDS WELLL-SPOKEN I CAN SEND PIC
this is in or around CALIFORNIA

Thanks to Je-C, Jill Kushner, Roy Trakin, Hanna Pantle, Stephanie, Joel Amsterdam, Holly Gleason and Valerie Nome for making this Weakend Planner age-specific.

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Oh, that's a sports thing too? We just meant that we're losing our minds.
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How we talk about the Coronavirus.
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Can he crash on your couch?
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