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If I decide the following things are intolerable: liars, crashing bores (the world is full of them, according to Morrissey), wearing black and brown together, pleated pants, any remaining vestiges of rap-rock, people that don’t "get" The Darkness, for example, then I can levy exorbitant fines on those guilty of such infractions, right?

IVANA SHOWS "ZERO TOLERANCE" FOR ANYONE WHO DOESN’T APPRECIATE MORRISSEY, THE DARKNESS, POLYPHONIC SPREE, COACHELLA, BEASTIE BOYS, ETC.

Meet Her In Indio for the Weekend, and She’ll Tout You on Breaking Benjamin, Franz Ferdinand, The Killers, while Jen Bids Adieu to All That

YOU KNOW I COULDN’T LAST
What if we could implement our own self-scripted "zero tolerance" policy at work, rather than allowing the FCC (the watchdogs of the Republican Minority) to dictate our behavior? If I decide the following things are intolerable: liars, crashing bores (the world is full of them, according to Morrissey), wearing black and brown together, pleated pants, any remaining vestiges of rap-rock, people that don’t "get" The Darkness, for example, then I can levy exorbitant fines on those guilty of such infractions, right? Who needs that pesky First Amendment, anyway?

Speaking of Morrissey, last night marked the third show I attended of his five-date stint at the Wiltern. I missed Saturday night, when he played "Hand in Glove" during the encore, and openers Elefant won the approval of the audience and, more importantly, the headliner, with their captivating set. I’ve never been one of those fans, until now (although I expect his new CD isn’t intentionally targeting the perimenopausal demo). Said my pal Dave Beasing, "Morrissey was phenomenal. One of the best shows I’ve ever seen, ever!" What drives me to see three Morrissey and two Polyphonic Spree gigs in a week (besides the Cadillac) is that each opportunity is like "dialysis" for my psyche. Clearly, Hollywood RecordsGeordie Gillespie was empowered by his Spree experiences this week, as he launched the new Breaking Benjamin single, "So Cold," to #1 Most Added at PoMo! Being around the Spree makes you feel invincible, it’s a fact.

This weekend’s Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival will provide enough musical sustenance to keep my (fragile) psyche going for months: Radiohead, Phantom Planet, The Cure, Air, Elefant, Sahara Hotnights, !!!, Muse, Dizzee Rascal, Ash, Kraftwerk, The Pixies, The Killers, The Stills, The Sleepy Jackson, Le Tigre, Belle & Sebastian, The Flaming Lips, The Thrills—that’s just a sample of an UNBELIEVABLE lineup. The heat will be a challenge, to say the least: 103 degrees on Saturday, 105 degrees on Sunday. Guess I won’t be wearing black. I’ve requested my own misting tent, which I will sublet (for a price) if it comes through. I hope they make sunscreen with SPF 100000+

Epic’s Joel Klaiman led his troops to #2 Most Added glory this week with Franz Ferdinand’s "Take Me Out" (which is already in "Power" at KROQ). We don’t think Y100, KPNT, WPBZ, WBUZ, KEDJ, KRZQ, etc. added the BEST SONG OF THE YEAR just because Joel’s birthday is tomorrow… By the time you wake up tomorrow morning, PoMo radio will be ALL OVER the new Beastie Boys’ single, "Ch-Check It Out." Capitol’s Ted Volk and his team have spent the past few weeks playing the song for radio, to overwhelming response (and not one leak!). Of course, there will be a few idiots that will over-think it, giving me plenty of column fodder for next week!

Danny Buch is helping the Artemis team with the Sugarcult record, yielding KTBZ, KCPX and WXTW on "Memory" this week.

The Killers return as Morrissey’s support band tonight, undoubtedly psyched by early adds on "Somebody Told Me" at WZNE and 91X.

Congrats to Ron Poore and Buddy Deal for catapulting Jet’s "Cold Hard Bitch" to the most-played song at PoMo, while also having another brilliant week on The Darkness’ "Growing on Me"… Nice Muse adds this week at WBCN and KEDJ!

Loretta Lynn is PoMo!… For a moment, it’s like the format truly is "Alternative"… Once again, I’m turning over the rest of this column to Jen Polenzani!

NOW IT’S TIME TO SAY GOODBYE: Believe it or not, it’s been seven months since I was first bullied into coming to work at the HITS cesspool. And all I can say is it’s been a blast (I swear Ivana does not have a gun held to my head). What fun it was to jump back into APM land and get reacquainted with all my old friends, and make some new ones at that. This will be my last official column for HITS as I transition back into the world of corporate entertainment and marketing.

I continue to be impressed with APM stations such as KINK, KBCO, KMTT and KFOG which continue to have success with trends, books and overall standing in their markets. It’s awesome to see not succumbing to corporate pressure. KGSR constantly proves that they know how to play good music and sell it too! Many stations have built a solid base in their communities with consistent outreach and promotions such as WRLT’s "Third and Lindsey" series, KTHX’s "Earth Day," WXRV’s "Riverfest" and WBOS’ "Earth Day." Kudos to Laura and the KPIG staff for their mention in Time magazine and successful transition into the San Luis market. It’s awesome to see a new breed of stations, such as WGVX, that mix their programming of core APM artists with up-and-coming acts (Polyphonic Spree, Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs, Sondre Lerche and Ryan Adams) that their 30-40 demo want to hear. Non-Comms like KCRW, WXPN, WFUV, WDET, WYEP and WAPS (Bill was the first person I ever talked to in radio) continue to thrive and introduce us to new music.

The Cardigans have announced their "Daylight Breaks Tour," their first in five years, and will kick off on the East Coast May 8. Their new single, "For What It’s Worth," has early believers in WRNX and KRSH and new music spins from WXRV, WBOS and WOKI.

Gomez is offering fans of WFUV, WDET, WCBE and all ticket buyers to their shows in NYC, Pittsburgh and Columbus a chance to buy value-added ticket packages. For $10 extra, they get a concert ticket, copy of the new CD Split The Difference and downloads of three live songs from that concert which will be e-mailed to them within the week. New believers in Gomez’ "Catch Me Up" include KTHX while WRNR is playing "Silence."

Spend some time with the new album from Loretta Lynn, which features and was produced by Jack White. It is a brilliant record and is already getting airplay from WMMM, WTMD, WUIN, WFPK and KSPN.

David Meade’s "Beauty" continues to stun radio with new airplay from WRNX, WRLT, WXPN, WYEP, KRSH, WDET, WCBE and WAPS.

The powers at the newly reformed Atlantic Records Group are 100% committed to Joe Firstman, so spend some time with "Can’t Stop Loving You" and be sure to see him when he lands in your market… You can’t get rid of me just yet; I’ll see many of you in Louisville and am always available via e-mail [email protected].

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ADELE ADELE ADELE
Adele; Adele Adele?
ADELE ADELE ADELE ADELE ADELE ADELE
A... dele?
ADELE ADELE
Adele Adele; Adele.
ADELE ADELE ADELE ADELE
(Adele.)
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