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“Who is Bill Holdship, and why am I paying him?"
——Editor in Chief Lenny Beer
HOLDSHIP: FROM CREEM TO SCUM
Veteran Editor/Writer Makes Pact With Devil
In another sign of the apocalypse, esteemed music journalist Bill Holdship has been reduced to taking the position of Senior Editor at HITS, joining longtime loser Bud Scoppa in ignominy and squalor (the preceding purdy werds have been used in commemoration of Bill’s high-class past).

Before his present humiliation, Bill was a journalistic hot shot of the first order. He started out at the legendary rock magazine Creem (another somewhat humorous music publication), eventually rising to Editor-in-Chief and bringing the mag from Detroit to L.A. He then did stints at R&R and Variety before taking over the editorial reins at BAM.

Holdship is a regular contributor to Mojo (although that could change when this news reaches London), while his byline has appeared in the pages of Rolling Stone, Spin, the L.A. Times, the Village Voice, the L.A. Weekly, Musician, US Weekly, NME, New York Rocker and numerous other big-time publications. And now this mortifying development; how the mighty have fallen.

“I have two herniated discs in my back, and the painkillers have affected my thought processes,” Holdship explains. “I was out of my mind when they asked me to come work at this dump, but I must’ve said yes, because here I am. Nonetheless, I come from solid Midwestern stock, and I honor my commitments. Boy, howdy.”

Commented HITS Editor in Chief Lenny Beer, “Who is Bill Holdship, and why am I paying him? Besides, Holdship is not a Jewish name—what has happened to this place? It’s crawling with gentiles! Oy.”

Publisher Dennis Lavinthal remains on vacation and unavailable for comment.

Send your condolences to [email protected]. He could use some cheering up about now.

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