Director Roland Emmerich’s systematic destruction of L.A. and New York, which unfolds like a moving Hieronymous Bosch-styled tableux of controlled chaos, is very cool. Unfortunately, it ain’t worth the price of either admission or having to sit through Dennis Quaid furrowing his eyebrows and donning snowshoes to traipse from Washington, DC, to New York in a blinding storm to save his son Donnie Darko.


Celebrating Daddy-Os of All Kinds, With U.S. Open, Yellowcard, Beastie Boys, Bonnaroo, Dino and More
Hot town summer in the city. Back of my neck getting dirt and gritty. School’s out for summer. The time is right for dancing in the streets. Two girls for every boy. I’ll see you in September. It’s Father’s Day weekend, with not even an NBA final game in sight, and football still at least five weeks away. OK, you’ve got the U.S. Open, but you really gotta be desperate to watch golf on TV, especially since Tiger Woods stopped winning. But before you stride head-on into the summer doldrums, Messrs. Jill, Je-C and Steph have the 4-1-1 right here. Yeah, they’re talking to you… And if you've got sumpthin to say, plug or scream about back at them, then shoot it their way at [email protected]

Friday, June 18:
7 p.m: Figure out which films you want to catch at 2004 Los Angeles Film Festival. Now is also a great time to get depressed and envious if you have friends with films in the festival. It takes place at venues around L.A. (DGA, Sunset 5 etc.) and runs through next weekend. Highlights: Richard Linklater’s Before Sunset and a conversation with Neil Young, the festival’s Artist in Residence. For tix and info: (323) 951-7090 or www.lafilmfest.com (Jill)

8 p.m.: See a play. That’s right, it’s like a band, but with actors. Red Light, Green Light (Theatre of NOTE, one of L.A.’s premier groups). An "epic domestic" and Part 2 of award-winning playwright Erik Patterson’s "American Family Trilogy." FYI, you don’t need to have seen Part 1. Runs thru 7/10, Thurs-Sat @ 8pm @ Theatre of NOTE (1517 Cahuenga Blvd.) Tickets: $15. Reservations: (323) 856-8611. (Jill)

10 p.m.: Staying in? Bump up your loser status a bit and watch a cool show. Catch Dinner For Five on IFC. Frankly, you’re still a loser, albeit a loser watching a cool show. Just to be clear. (Jill)

11 p.m.: I’ll be watching North Shore (Fox), which I Tivo’d. Bikinis, Brooke Burns and more bikinis. What else can you really ask for? (Je-c)

12 a.m.: Awww, getting in bed early? Such a good boy/girl. Such a lame boy/girl. Here’s a book that’s much cooler than you. Read it. Cool intellectual wit David Sedaris’ cool, intellectual and witty Dress Your Family in Corduroy And Denim. (Jill)

Saturday, June 19
10 a.m.: Grab a seriously good bagel @ Bagel Broker (7825 Beverly Blvd, near Fairfax Blvd, across from CBS). Have the cheese bagel or the chicken salad. Don’t even think about pulling that low-carb shit here, dude. (Jill)

11 a.m.: Head over to the Absolut Chalk Street Painting Festival. Over 600 artists use chalk to create temporary masterpieces on the streets of Pasadena. There’s food, live entertainment, farmers market, a silent auction and a designated area where kids can participate. Runs 10 a.m.-7 p.m. Sat & Sun @ Paseo Colorado (280 E. Colorado Blvd, Pasadena) Free! Ph: (626) 795-8891 or www.pasadenadoodahparade.com/Absolut-Main-1a.html

1 p.m.: Got some time to kill? Hit up www.myspace.com. This is the best way to find new music since MP3.com (you can also find info on art and hot spots here). You can even use the site to meet new people, reunite with old friends or even look for a new gig. (hint, hint: Will someone please get me out of here?) (Steph)

2 p.m.: Still in front of your laptop, playa? Wanna see some animated bunnies reinact scenes from The Shining? Enough said, right? www.angryalien.com/0504/shiningbunnies.html (Jill)

2:30 p.m.: Playboy Jazz Festival (Hollywood Bowl) A summer tradition in L.A. (you’re gonna have to B.Y.O.Playboy Bunny), where picnics are packed to listen to jazz greats such as: Wynton Marsalis and Etta James (Day 1) and Herbie Hancock with Bela Fleck & the Flecktones. Tickets: (323) 850-2000 (Jill)

4 p.m.: Grab your flask and your bitch and go see Saved! Any movie produced by Michael Stipe which takes place at a hardcore Baptist school, and stars a knocked up Jena Malone and a wheelchair-bound Macaulay Culkin with a crush on the only Jewish girl at school … is a movie to run to. (Jill)

7 p.m.: Check out a new restaurant. Velvet Margarita Cantina (1612 Cahuenga Blvd.) (323) 469-2000. Supposed to be a little bit Disney, a little bit Tarantino-y and alotta kitchy. Prices are preset ($15 for dinner, $11 for lunch) and they’ve got all kinds of crazy drinks going on at Dante’s Inferno bar (we hear there’s one served inside a pineapple w/a severed head). Let us know what you think. (Jill)

9 p.m.: Go see Dodgeball with Je-c and his roommate, then challenge the pair to a game because they’re geeks and they deserve to be humiliated. (Je-c)

11 p.m.: Watch You Got Served (on DVD) for the 400th time with Je-c & his roommate at their house. Then make jokes questioning the real relationship between Je-c & his roommate.

Sunday, June 14
10 a.m.: It’s Father’s Day! Give him a big kiss, w/tongue if you’re bold (or too hung over to know the difference). Then take him to breakfast at Home (on Hillmont, btwn Sunset & Franklin) in Los Feliz. (Restaurant plug by Steph, lame kiss-your-dad joke by Jill, requested by Jill to make that clear as Steph writes this now. OK, Jill. OK? OK).

11 a.m.: Hit up one of these rad vintage clothing/T-shirts shops on nearby Vermont. Dad doesn’t want anymore socks or underwear, OK? Hook him with a concert T. SquaresVille, Y-que or if you can’t get enough of the B. Boys, check out their skate shop, Xlarge. (Steph)

1 p.m.: Still not sure what you’re getting for dad? How about some tunes? Dino: Essential Dean Martin (Capitol), Stevie Wonder’s Definitive Collection (Motown), Beach BoysSounds of Summer—Very Best of (Capitol), Led Zeppelin’s Vol.1 & 2 Early Days & Latter (Atlantic), Very Best of Eagles (EEG) or Elvis Presley’s 30 No .1 Hits (BMG) (Steph)

3 p.m.: Catch Around the World in 80 Days with Je-c & his dad. And maybe Je-c’s roommate, too, who will go dressed as Cantinflas. (Je-c)

6 p.m.: BBQ with your father. Not possible? Crash someone else’s (BBQ, not father). (Jill)

7 p.m.: Catch the end of the Yankee/Dodgers game with your dad and root for the Bronx Bombers. (Je-c)

9 p.m.: Six Feet Under, baby!

11 p.m. Settle in bed with a beverage and a book. Make it a Ketel One Martini & Jay Mohr’s new Gasping for Air Time, detailing his struggle to get his sketches and himself on-air during his time at SNL.

1. U.S. Open: It’s time once again for what some consider the toughest test in professional golf—the U.S. Open. Being held this year at Shinnecock Hills Golf Club on Long Island, the atmosphere around the tournament is that it’s "wide open" as far as who will emerge the champion. Tiger Woods is winless in his last seven majors, while Masters champ Phil Mickelson, world #2 Ernie Els, Spain’s Sergio Garcia and Mr. Consistency, Vijay Singh, are just some of those deemed the favorites heading into this year’s contest. Then again, given that two relative unknowns scored major victories last year—Ben Curtis at the British Open and Shaun Micheel at the PGA—a true dark horse could just as easily emerge with an upset. As for the course itself, Shinnecock places more of an emphasis on the players’ accuracy and short games, while length off the tee is not so important. And, as is always the case at U.S. Opens, the penalties will be severe for errant shots that land in the torturous rough. Catch extensive coverage of the U.S. Open throughout the weekend on your local NBC affiliate. (Mark Feather)

2. Yellowcard, "Life of a Salesman" (Capitol): This platinum-plus band from L.A. by way of Jacksonville, FL, often wears its heart on its sleeve, particularly on this ode from their debut album Ocean Avenue. The song's title is a take-off on the famed Arthur Miller play and concerns singer Ryan Key’s own up-and-down relationship with his father. And while the lyrics ("Father I will always be/That same boy that stood by the sea/And watched you tower over me/Now I'm older I wanna be the same as you") could come from a Hallmark card, the emo wall of sound underneath belies any hint of insincerity. (Roy Trakin)

3. Bonnaroo: Such a great festival. This year, it was a bit of a downer because of mother nature, but the music was fantastic. I really enjoyed Los Lonely Boys; Simple Kid; Wilco; North Mississippi Allstars; Kings of Leon (massive crowd of hippies rocking out); Blue Merle (bluegrass taken over by Britpop—beautiful); Gov't Mule (Warren Haynes is a GOD); My Morning Jacket (must have been 30,000 at that stage); Damien Rice (total silence during the songs followed by shrieking worthy of the Beatles after the notes fade away—crazy) and Marc Broussard (closest thing to church at the Roo). I saw bits and pieces of other acts and went to a few press conferences the rest of the time. Great job again to the Superfly, AC Entertainment and Red Light folks. The music event of the year. (Don VanCleave)

4. The Beastie Boys, To the 5 Boroughs (Capitol): Six years is a long time to be away, especially in the fickle world of hip-hop, where old school means anything that came out more than six months ago. You could call this album, Beasties Boys II Men. As they put it in "Right Right Now Now": "And yes, we’re gonna party for the right to fight." The beats are uncluttered, but also unremarkable, though the Noo Yawk references, from Crazy Eddie and cable station New York One’s George Whipple to local retail outlet Modell’s and Bleecker Bob’s record store make this a veritable valentine to the Apple. The album’s centerpiece, "An Open Letter to NYC," memorably samples the Dead Boys’ "Sonic Reducer" with poignant rhymes like "Dear New York/I know a lot has changed/Two towers down/But you’re still in the game." And while the boys’ bush-chasing has changed to Bush-bashing ("I’m getting tired of the situation/The U.S. attacking other nations"), and their beer-drinking to tee-totaling ("See I like to party, not drink Baccardi/Cause I’m not looking to throw up on nobody"), their hearts are always in the right place. After 18 years, they’re more than licensed to chill this time. (RT)

5. Dino: The Essential Dean Martin (Capitol/EMI Music Marketing): Criminally underrated as a crooner, Dino was neither as formally impressive nor as capable of vocal pyrotechnics as his Rat Pack brethren Frank and Sammy, respectively. The epitome of casual cool, Martin was the Cary Grant of pop, capable of urbane sophistication or eyeball-rolling, physical humor. Much like Der Bingle and Como, Martin’s everyman talk/sing cut to the heart of the matter, but real casual, like a cardigan. Like Johnny Cash, his technical shortcomings were overwhelmed by his one-to-one directness. Tunes here like the Jimmy Bowen-produced cover of Lee Hazlewood’s "Houston" show Martin could have been a successful country singer. But it's the Lee Gillette-produced ‘50s and ‘60s standards, like "Ain’t That a Kick in the Head," "That’s Amore" and "Volare," which stand out here. When he sings in the latter, "Let us leave the confusion/And all this illusion behind," it’s like Uncle Junior crooning in the closing episode of the fourth season of The Sopranos, a privileged moment that at once warms your cockles and chills the soul. There’s no disputing Dean Martin’s hip insouciance was adopted by the post-war generation as its stylistic/behavioral credo. If you’re a baby boomer whose dad is still alive, you couldn’t find a better Father’s Day gift than this definitive collection. (RT)

6. Pre-Madonna: Demetria Kaledimos is one of Nashville's most celebrated news anchors, with an unerring eye for the most compelling stories. This full-length interview and archival documentary tacks Nashville's bohemian and creative explosion of 1971-73 against the tale of erstwhile, attention-craving shock performance artists George and the Arizona Star. What was happening in the Haight, Woodstock, the Sunset Strip, Coconut Grove and around the Armadillo World Headquarters scene in Austin was just as potent in Nashville. Drawing context and recollections from the creative vortex are Kris Kristofferson, writer Chris Gantry ("Such Are The Dreams of the Every Day Housewife"), Marshall Chapman (rocker cum memoirist), journalist/editor Thomas Goldsmith, scene architect and gatekeeper Liz Thiels and George/Arizona Star guitarist player Biff Watson. The picture of Nashville in the day that emerges—a cultural beachhead caught between aggressively shifting sands—is as transfixing as the two larger than mascara and sabers femme fatales, who've gone on to very differing lives, loves and realities. (Holly Gleason)

7. Prada Pink & Green Patent Cane Slingbacks: They look like something Marilyn Monroe would've worn. Rounded toes, gently curving 3" heel. Very old school, yet as modern as Prada can get. With the two-shades-paler-than-bubble gum, faux-crocodile toe cap and the slightly whiter than lime green strap and heel, this is the preppie rendition of Prada's right-now back-to-nature collection that is all burlap, hemp and cane. As manicured as it is whimsical, you can work this a whole bunch of different ways—so don't feel strapped to the pearls and confection-colored cashmere uniform. (HG)

8. The Day After Tomorrow: Director Roland Emmerich’s systematic destruction of L.A. and New York, which unfolds like a moving Hieronymous Bosch-styled tableux of controlled chaos, is very cool. Unfortunately, it ain’t worth the price of either admission or having to sit through Dennis Quaid furrowing his eyebrows and donning snowshoes to traipse from Washington, DC, to New York in a blinding storm to save his son Donnie Darko. The human part of the narrative is enough to inspire guffaws, and to have some guy sitting in the next seat shush me, which struck me as even more hilarious. The movie functions as a slow-moving roller-coaster, with the sodden story pulling you inexorably up a steep incline, then dropping you off the other side into a DGI whirlpool. Hollywood has created movies out of theme park attractions, like last year’s Pirates of the Caribbean. This is an amusement ride in search of a film, a true white elephant of a movie that coulda been cut down to about 15 minutes of action. (RT)

9. New York Dolls: The legendary group reunited for the first time in 30 years after a personal invitation from Morrissey to play his Meltdown Festival in London, and were hailed by the U.K. press. I recently heard "Stranded in the Jungle" for the first time in awhile on XM radio last week, and it brought me back to what a strange amalgm the Dolls were, with one foot in the Shangri-Las girl group/Coasters ’60s and the other in the emerging '70s glitter/punk era. I’ve given up trying to vote them into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, even if the late Johnny Thunders deserves his own wing. If they hadn’t self-destructed, The Dolls would’ve been as big as Aerosmith or Kiss, both of whom took elements of the band’s shtick and parlayed them into commercial success. The reformed Dolls next appear at Little Steven’s GarageRock festival Aug. 14 at New York’s Randalls Island. (RT)

10. Ryan Cabrera: He’s cute, he’s sexy … and he’s on the arm of a Simpson sib! Singer-songwriter Cabrera got the ultimate jump-star to his career when he appeared on The Ashlee Simpson Show, which debuted on MTV this week. Next up: romancing her sister, Jessica, on the road this summer. What will Nick say? This is why we love reality television. Ryan’s E.V.L.A./Atlantic Records Group debut, Take It All Away, is in stores August 17, and his single, "On The Way Down," is rocking radio. (Valerie Nome)

The Lakers had six days off before the start of the NBA Finals. Six days. God created the world in six days and on the seventh day?? You guessed it. Last summer, Phil Jackson famously said that this club would either come together or implode. Once again, he was prescient on both counts. Their run to the Finals, given the circumstances, was improbable and somewhat miraculous. Their performance once they got there was sickening and deplorable. Ya think Shaq figures out a way to lose that permanently tattooed Ben Wallace Nike logo off the back of his head??? Good God. How about blocking out just once, Shaquille? Once Karl went down, it's somewhat understandable and predictable that the Lakers would succumb to the constant Piston pressure. But why does this team have to MELT down, fall apart and embarrass themselves and their fans?? One thing is brutally clear; it's time for a change. Here are some suggestions. First, SIGN Kobe Bryant AT ALL COSTS. Give him half of Figueroa and a couple of downtown skyscrapers; whatever it takes. 2) TRADE Shaquille O'Neal before it's too late!!. He is set to make $62 million dollars in the next two years. That is an affront to the team and the city. Maybe the Nets would agree to send Kenyon Martin, Richard Jefferson and Jason Collins for the "Big Overeater." If so, we'd be off and running. Shaquille's run as a dominant player is over. The Lakers MUST trade him or they will end up like the Knicks, who are still reeling because they failed to trade Patrick Ewing when they had the chance. 3) Tell Gary "I can't guard a light pole" Payton that Derek Fisher will be the starter next year and if he says no, then buh-bye. It's time for this team to get younger and more athletic. The Pistons exposed them for what they are. ANCIENT, SLOW AND UNATHLETIC. Phil Jackson deserves another two years if he wants to return and Dr. Buss is willing to pay him. His contribution to the franchise cannot be overstated. Kobe and Shaq will look back on their careers and thank the stars that Phil was there to guide them through. If they all decide to go in another direction, perhaps a Rudy Tomjanovich or even Pat Riley might be a good fit. Congratulations to the Pistons and their fans. They played brilliantly. Larry Brown did a masterful job. Really the only thing that makes Laker lovers go screaming into summer is the smirk of satisfaction this is sitting on Bill Lambeer's face. That is almost too much to handle. (Joel Amsterdam)

It’s been quite an interesting year for the LGBT community across the country. There was the breakout success of Bravo’s Queer Eye, then the rampant issuing of illegal marriage licenses in San Francisco, followed by the President’s controversial talk of writing discrimination into the nation’s Constitution, and most recently, continuing with the actual legalization of same-sex marriage in Massachusetts. As such, June is a good month for the community to pause for a moment and reflect on recent history while simultaneously looking forward with great anticipation to what’s to come.

Enter Gay Pride Month throughout the country, though not all of the celebrations in various cities fall exclusively in June. The celebration in our home city of Los Angeles does though, and makes our Weakend planner because it goes down (no pun intended) from Friday through Sunday of this week. It’s entitled "Hello...Pride," with the actual parade taking place on Sunday beginning at 11 a.m., while the concurrent outdoor festival with all its live entertainment hits West Hollywood on both Saturday and Sunday. Celebrity Grand Marshall of this year’s parade is Jennifer Tilley, with Will & Grace’s Shelley Morrison making a special guest appearance.

For the partiers, there is plenty to choose from, indeed. In addition to the "usual" bar happenings at Micky’s, Rage and the like, there are also a host of special events lined up throughout the weekend. These include the Latin-skewed "Club Papi" on Saturday night at Circus Disco in Hollywood, featuring a live performance by Lisa Lisa, and the Asian-leaning "Red Dragon" on Saturday evening at The El Rey Theatre. Also forefront in the mix is a special edition of "Boytrade" at The El Rey on Friday night for African-American men and their admirers, while those more into the "circuit party" vibe have multiple events to choose from with the highlight being Manny Lehman and Brett Henrichsen spinning the boys into a frenzy at what is being billed as "LA’s biggest gay pride party ever" on Saturday night at the Shrine Auditorium. Whew! I better go stock up on the tanning lotion, water and aspirin right now. (MF)

The Terminal (DreamWorks)
Based on a true story of Eastern European man who is stuck in the terminal at JFK in New York when his country of origin disappears in a revolutionary war.
Stars: Tom Hanks, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Stanley Tucci, Michael Nouri, Zoe Saldana
Director: Steven Spielberg
Thumbs Up:
Hanks in "Castaway" mode, chewing scenery, with Spielberg in total control of airport set constructed just for the movie.
Thumbs Down: Didn’t we see this movie with Robin Williams in Paul Mazursky’s 1984 fish-out-of-water comedy Moscow on the Hudson?
Soundtrack: Decca album includes score from Spielberg regular John Williams.
Website: www.theterminal-themovie.com

Around the World In 80 Days (Walt Disney Pictures)
Remake of the 1956 all-star Mike Todd extravaganza based on the Jules Verne novel about a man who makes a bet he can travel around the world in 80 days.
Stars: Jackie Chan (playing the Cantinflas sidekick role from the original and now the main character), with Steve Coogan as Phineas Fogg. With Richard Branson (in a hot-air balloon no doubt), Ewen Bremner, Kathy Bates, John Cleese, Rob Schneider, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, Wim Wenders, Luke Wilson, Owen Wilson, Macy Gray
Adam Sandler auteur Frank Coraci (The Waterboy, The Wedding Singer)
Thumbs Up: Hot-air, or should we say, hot-weather entertainment?… Alright, how bad can it be?
Thumbs Down: From the looks of the trailers, very bad indeed.
Soundtrack: Disney Records album features Trevor Jones score and an unabashed Disney plug with Baha Men’s rendition of "It’s a Small World."
Website: www.disney.go.com/disneypictures/80days/main_flash.html.

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (20th Century Fox)
When the financial future of their favorite gym threatens to get taken over by a national fitness franchise, a group of losers agree to compete as a dodgeball team in a "winner take all" competition in Las Vegas to save the gym.
Stars: Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jason Bateman, Gary Cole, Stephen Root, Christine Taylor
Rawson Marshall Thurber
Thumbs Up:
Alright, alright. I get the joke. And maybe it’s even funny.
Thumbs Down: Why does this feel like an SNL sketch blown up to feature-length? And has anyone been in more stupid movies over the past year than Ben Stiller?
Soundtrack: None
Website: www.dodgeballmovie.com

I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead (Paramount Classics)
Stars: Clive Owen
, Malcolm McDowell, Charlotte Rampling, Sylvia Sims
A former gang leader retired to a quiet life in the English countryside is drawn back into the city and the business to avenge the gruesome murder of his brother.
Director: Legendary U.K. film noir master Mike Hodges with only his ninth film in 33 years (Get Carter, The Terminal Man, Croupier, Flash Gordon)
Thumbs Up: A definite Sexy Beast, Long Good Friday sleeper in the hard-nosed U.K. revenge thriller mode.
Soundtrack: None
Website: www.paramountclassics.com/IllSleep/

Former Island chief gets his own label. (6/16a)
How'd they do that? (6/15a)
We're reading the tea leaves. (6/15a)
"Variant" is a scary word right now. (6/15a)
Is there a lawyer in the house? (6/15a)
The musical tapestry we know as R&B.
Predicting the next big catalog deal.
Once we all get vaccinated, how long before we can party?
How is globalization bringing far-flung territories into the musical mainstream?

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