"These appointments are not only warranted and earned, but necessary to effectively manage our music group properties and boost our intra-office vending machine sales."
——Kevin Liles, Def Jam/Def Soul President/IDJ Exec. VP

IDJ’s GANG OF FOUR

Leading Label Ups Signore, Acker, Bergen, Kyser
The Island Def Jam Music Group not only leads the label pack in marketshare, this week, it tops everyone else in executive promotions.

Def Jam/Def Soul President/IDJ Exec. VP Kevin Liles and Island Records President/IDJ Exec. VP Julie Greenwald announced the group’s expanded operations under a new structure that promotes four executives to new roles, and requires all memos to be read from right to left.

Former IDJ Sr. VP Finance Matt Signore "Wences" has been upped to General Manager/Chief Financial Officer for the label, where he will issue all quarterly earnings reports in sheckels.

Ex-Def Jam/Def Soul VP Randy "E’s a Bloody Computer" Acker is upped to IDJ General Manager in charge of making sure the office commissary doesn’t serve swine, nor milk with meat.

Former Island Records VP Promotion"Y" Stu "Mama Tambien" Bergen is upped to Executive Vice President of the label overseeing Chris Blackwell’s underground hydroponic greenhouse.

Erstwhile Def Jam/Def Soul VP Promotion Mike Kyser "Wilhelm" is boosted to Vice President for H to the Izzo.

Commenting on how the promotions expands the label’s operations, Liles said: "As we invest more resources in building our brands, we must continue to create environments of growth and experimentation. These appointments are not only warranted and earned, but necessary to effectively manage our music group properties and boost our intra-office vending machine sales."

Added Greenwald: "These promotions are about making our artists and staff even more successful. Stu, Randy, Matt and Mike are among the best and brightest record executives out there today and we are pleased to expand the playing field for their incredible talents even further. But even we drew the line at letting them form a barbershop quartet to cover Ja Rule and Ludacris songs."

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AI IS ALREADY EATING YOUR LUNCH
The kids can tell the difference... for now.
WHO'S BUYING THE DRINKS?
That's what we'd like to know.
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