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"With the addition of the Model Two, we now offer a powerful end-to-end audio solution for professional recording, mixing and mastering."
—--Dave Hansen, Euphonix
TECH THESE TO HELP YOU SLEEP
If Hitting Yourself With a Hammer Won’t Make the Voices Stop, Read This!

YOU HAVE BEEN VOTED OFF THE ISLAND
Digital Island today announced an outsourcing agreement with NetRadio to provide ongoing streaming media services to NetRadio's registered users around the world. NetRadio selected Digital Island's Live Streaming media service to deliver an excellent music experience on its website, because, of all the possible companies to hook-up with, Digital Island had the sexiest receptionists. On NetRadio.com, listeners can view the title, artist and album title of every song playing on the site’s 85 channels. Without interrupting the music, users can purchase the album by simply clicking on a banner ad in the player. Now that’s a spicy meatball! "Digital Island's streaming service has proved to be one of the most cost-effective and robust solutions available to deliver our music content to users worldwide," said NetRadio CFO Mike Wise. "Please don’t ask me what I mean by ‘robust,’ because even I am not certain."

MOMMA ALWAYS SAID TO KEEP ‘EM CLEAN
MobileBriefs announced today that its new technology suite based on the latest Personalized Audio Broadcast (PAB) technology is now available for enterprise applications. Seriously, do we need to explain that any further? The new technology suite is designed for delivery of personalized mobile audio and rich media—you know, like Ted Turner or Rupert Murdoch—content to most PDAs, MP3 players and other mobile devices. "We are excited to offer corporations around the world the ability to leverage our mobile audio and rich media technology platform to mobilize their media," said MobileBriefs CEO Michael Price. Price went on to stress that his new high-tech briefs were not only "ultra-scalable" but also "resistant to skidmarks."

MACCA DADDY
In conjunction with the October release of Listen to What the Man Said: Popular Artists Pay Tribute to the Music of Paul McCartney and Coming Up: Independent Artists Pay Tribute to the Music of Paul McCartney, Oglio Records has launched a contest on its website to win one of two '62 vintage Hofner electric bass guitars valued at $2,695 each, courtesy of Boosey & Hawkes. The Hofner contest ends on Thanksgiving Day.

TERRA ON THE HIGH SEAS
Terra Lycos and RadioCentral today announced the launch of the new Lycos Radio, which offers CD-quality audio fidelity, top on-air personalities and "radio-style" programming with limited commercials. Unlike many other Web radio services that automatically program music by a computer database, the music on Lycos Radio is hand-selected by professionals, enabling them to create a "mood" and "flow" for their "audience" to "listen to." It probably comes as no surprise to you that Lycos Radio is not only "high quality" but also "robust," whatever that might mean. Naturally, Lycos Radio allows consumers to buy the tunes they’re listening to by some sort of magical "clicking" or something.

TWICE AS GOOD AS MODEL ONE
Microsoft and Euphonix today announced an agreement for Euphonix to manufacture, sell and support the HDCD (high-definition-compatible digital) Model Two Processor, a high-resolution analog-to-digital converter designed for DVD and CD mastering. "The Model Two fits into our philosophy of offering the absolute highest quality audio equipment," said Dave Hansen, VP of Product Marketing at Euphonix. "With the addition of the Model Two, we now offer a powerful end-to-end audio solution for professional recording, mixing and mastering." Despite the use of the word "equipment" and the phrase "end-to-end," readers should not confuse this news for anything even vaguely exciting or titillating.

"SOFT…ON DEMAND" DOESN’T SOUND GOOD TO ME
OnDemand today announced that Microsoft has successfully deployed OnDemand's Partner Accelerator solution to build Windows Media Partner Central, a new online resource that improves access to sales, marketing and technical resources for a wide range of worldwide systems integrators, multimedia developers and music distributors. "Through Windows Media Partner Central, we offer our partners a fast, easy-to-use location to find the information they need to market their Windows Media-based services more effectively," said Jonathan Usher, group manager in the Windows Digital Media Division of Microsoft. "And if that fails, we’ve always got great suggestions of where to get some porn."

A TICKING HITS LIST
Surely you have the time to take a look. (8/7a)
THE GREAT CATALOG GOLD RUSH
Is mining the past the future? (8/7a)
TIKTOK RESPONDS TO TRUMP'S BAN
The kids are not alright with Trump. (8/7a)
POP SMOKE GAINS, DABABY LEADS OUR SONG CHART
And the streams just keep on coming. (8/7a)
THE BABE & THE MULE
Interscope's co-MVPs (8/7a)
BTS BRINGS IT
They're so dreamy.
VOTE BY MAIL
It's a conspiracy, because everyone does it.
IS IT CHRISTMAS?
No, but we're thinking about cookies.
WOKE MUSIC
Protest songs that sound like now.
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