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DOT COMEDY

Proving That "If We Have To Suffer, So Should You" Is Part Of Our Editorial Policy

AND IT WILL TELL EVERYONE ABOUT YOUR FONDNESS FOR MANDY MOORE
Gracenote, formerly CDDB, today (6/5) announced a service that can track PC-based music listening habits from 27 million listeners worldwide. Every time a music fan listens to a CD in a Gracenote CDDB-enabled player, Gracenote Data Services (or GDS) logs that song or album into the GDS database. The company then aggregates the information into usable data, regarding what music fans are listening to digitally on a regional level, broken out by metro and day-parts. "GDS gathers statistics in an aggregate format so we can generate reports without infringing on the privacy of our end-users," said Gracenote President David Hyman. "We are only interested in what you listen to, not who you are. Of course, maybe we’re watching you right now. Maybe we’re not. I guess you can never be certain, can you?"

ONE STEP FORWARD…
Four Japanese record labels and their publishers have agreed to make their content available on MP3.com. This exciting news follows in the wake of the website’s alliance two months ago with Japanese music enterprise Being Group. Rooms, Zain, Gram and Pass Records all signed an agreement with the website, which means that users can finally have access to Japanese heavy metal gods Loudness. "This agreement is perfect climax to super joy panic with pleasing sound times for all, exceedingly," said MP3.com’s Erik Newton. "We are now very convenient for us and contained generously."

…AND TWO STEPS BACK

On the flipside of the news, MP3.com must now face a securities class action lawsuit brought against it by the original underwriters of its IPO, Credit Suisse First Boston Corporation and BancBoston Robertson Stevens. The two companies underwrote nine million shares of common stock at $28 per share. The stock is currently trading at $4.87. The companies charge MP3.com with issuing a Registration Statement and Prospectus that contained materially false and misleading information and that MP3.com failed to disclose material information. Damages will be paid out in Loudness downloads.

TASTE THE RAINBOW
Rainbow Media’s viewer-driven, all-music network MuchMusic USA Monday (6/4) unveiled what it calls a "new creative blueprint." Never mind that "creative blueprint" sounds like a phrase only a roomful of non-creative types could come up with. Debuting during June are four new viewer-inspired programs—"Tastemaker," "Oven Fresh," "Mixtape Masterpiece" and "Random Intelligence"—as well as MMUSA’s Videolator technology that enables viewers to make their own videos, of which the network then chooses and plays the best. "No other network comes close to what MuchMusic USA provides a national audience in innovative music programming and cross-platform technology," said MuchMusic USA Acting GM Nora Ryan, who then had to rush out and pitch her seventh no-hitter. "Actually, we’re a little surprised people remember what music videos are at all."

WHO WANTS A POST-MERGER CIGARETTE?
Universal Music Group announced today (6/4) the completion of its cash tender offer for all outstanding shares of common stock of EMusic.com. The tender offer’s offering period—seriously, that’s how it’s worded—expired at 5 p.m. ET on June 1. UMG therefore has accepted for purchase 37,000,584 shares, or 85.6%, of EMusic for the agreed-upon price of 57 cents a share. Under the terms of the agreement, UMG is now allowed to acquire an additional amount of EMusic shares at 57 cents to bring its total up to 90%. When that happens, the remaining 10% can be bought out for their 57 cents-a-share cash value, making EMusic a wholly owned subsidiary of UMG. Normally, for this kind of excitement, one would have to get into Lou Dobbs’ pants.

WALLEN FOR THE WIN
"Dangerous" nudges "SOUR." (11/30a)
CHART FINAL:
THE BIGGEST BOW
OF THE YEAR
Big numbers for "30." (11/29a)
COUNTRY GRAMMYS' ROOTS ARE SHOWING
Deck the Grammys with boughs of Holly. (11/24a)
THE BRITISH
ARE COMING
Rolling out our U.K. Special print issue (11/24a)
PUTTING THE POP
IN POPCORN
Putting the audio into audio-visual. (11/29a)
CHESTNUTS
Roasting.
STOCKINGS
Stuffing.
PIPERS
Piping.
SANTA
Coming.
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