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In a nutshell:
"With lights on and the band full-bore into...waaaaaaaay too much...simmering Spanish grease...you'd have to be under a rock, or glued to...a husband-stealing femme fatale...[to let] the two very successful...more-than-mildly retarded half-Jewish, half-Puerto Rican...female skaters...make up for Bryan Adams and Alanis Morissette."
THIS WEAK-END PLANNER
IS A MERRY PRANKSTER
Wearing Old Navy Duds, This Planner Drives Around the Country in an Acid-Soaked Bus
This week, we'd like to dedicate our planner to two fallen pop culture icons: one a writer, the other an actual culture shaper before she became kitsch herself. This last week saw the passing of both author Ken Kesey and former fashion editor Carrie Donovan. While most people know of Kesey either through Tom Wolfe's book about his cross-country treks in the bus he called Further (The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test) or through the book he is most famous for (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest), most people know Donovan (a respected editor for many years) as the bespectacled Old Navy spokesperson who, with dog/sidekick Magic, let consumers know about the joys of cargo pants. The world is a slightly less daffy, slightly less stylish place without them. Next week: It's all about the toikey.

VALUE-ADDED AND THEN SOME
Ryan Adams, "Side 4" (limited-edition addendum to Gold; Lost Highway):
Adams fans who failed to score one of the first 100,000 copies of Gold are missing something absolutely essential—another 20 minutes of music of a piece with, and every bit as good as, the album proper. If Adams' 16-song opus is already the record of the year—and that's my belief—these five additional tracks make it the album of the century (although it's a bit early to call just yet), so consistently strong and deftly paced that it justifies its epic 90-minute length. With this guy, apparently, more is more. "Side 4" opener "Rosalie Come and Go" not only equals Gold's official rockers in terms of punch, it's as scintillating a pure rock & roll song and performance as any since Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers' 1993 classic, "Mary Jane's Last Dance." Now, in my book, the Heartbreakers are the reigning old-school American band, but Adams and his core crew—drummer/guitarist Ethan Johns, guitarist Chris Stills and bassist Jennifer Condos—crank it up with commensurate authority. The ghostly "The Fools We Are as Men," which follows, sounds as ancient as a Childe ballad, while the ebullient, banjo-driven "Sweet Black Magic," with its key line, "Sweet Los Angeles in the fall/It's pretty as a picture ain't nobody any shakin' at all," begs to be cranked up top-down while negotiating Mulholland Drive on a crisp November day like this one. The early-Waits-like "The Barroom Is a Beautiful Place," with its drunken horns, stumbles its way into the closing "Cannonball Days," with its stirring, Townshend-esque acoustic guitars and wistful B-3—a pitch-perfect coda to Adams' magnum opus. I can no longer accept Gold at anything less than a full 21 tracks, and that's waaaaaaaay too much album, but somehow Adams makes it all work marvelously. Damn, this kid is good.
Bud Scoppa

INSTANT FEEDBACK
11/16/01 8:45:02 AM Pacific Standard Time
Hi Bud: Could not agree with you more. Ryan has amassed an amazing body of work, and he put on an equally amazing show last night at the House Of Blues. I just don't know how he comes up with "those lyrics." Last night he delivered: "Ask her for water and she'll teach you to cry." Can't wait for the two new projects next year, albums from the Pinkhearts and the Virgins.
Harold Guilfoil, UMVD

ALL I WANT IS U2
U2 Live at the Staples Center (L.A.) and on DVD:
It was only last April that U2 played the Arrowhead Pond in Anaheim on the first leg of their Elevation tour, but subsequent events gave this performance an emotional wallop and intensity the previous show only hinted at. The song selections weren't that much different—the set begins with lights on and the band full-bore into "Elevation" and "Beautiful Day," but it was the third number, "Until the End of the World," that brought home both the horror and the healing. Bono wrapped himself in an American flag, but the gesture came off less as opportunism than compassion. "Sunday Bloody Sunday" was preceded by a comment about the I.R.A. finally laying down their weapons and a hope the same would happen in the Middle East, a sentiment that drew a thunderous ovation. Both "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" and "Pride (In the Name of Love)" took on a post-Sept. 11 power that was palpable. In fact, Bono quoted the feisty firefighter from The Concert for New York, shouting, "Osama Bin Laden can kiss my royal Irish ass," while Gwen Stefani joined the band onstage for an encore of Marvin Gaye's "What's Going On." The final medley of "One" and the standard "Unchained Melody," followed by "Peace on Earth"/"Walk On," with the names of the terrorist victims scrolling across the back wall, had people openly sobbing. It was the kind of show that demonstrated rock & roll's undiminished ability to transcend pop culture and touch on the universal—though it remains to be seen whether there's another band on the horizon who can take the torch. A performance from the tour, taped at the Fleet Center in Boston, will be available on DVD (UMVD) Dec. 4, and there's a third Staples show Monday night (11/19). The tour continues into early December, with No Doubt opening all shows. To paraphrase the old ad copy line about the Clash, right now, U2 is just about the only rock band that matters. Roy Trakin

COMPILATION OF THE WEEK
Various Artists, "Sounds from the Verve Hi-Fi" (Verve): Eric Hilton
and Rob Garza, the smarty-pants DJs known together as Thievery Corporation, have created an ideal party soundtrack in this sumptuous anthology of recordings from the Verve vault. The bias is definitely toward Latin jazz here, be it gossamer bossa nova (Stan Getz and Luiz Bonfa's "Menina Flor," Walter Wanderley's "Batucada"), psychedelic tropicalia ("Chove Chuva" from Sergio Mendes & Brazil ཾ, a slammin' "Bala com Bala" from the great Elis Regina) or simmering Spanish grease (Willie Bobo's "Lisa"). Among this disc's myriad other pleasures: sexy grooves from Jimmy Smith and Wes Montgomery, Kenyon Hopkins and Chico Hamilton; culture-splicing world jazz from Cal Tjader; tripped-out excursions from Richie Havens and Astrud Gilberto (the latter putting a languorous, carioca spin on the Doors' "Light My Fire"); and straight-up cocktail swing ("Do It the Hard Way," courtesy of the Jazz Renegades). Hilton and Garza dig deep in the crates so you don't have to—just throw on this comp and start filling glasses.
Simon Glickman

GUY WITH THE GOGGLES' NFL PICKS OF THE WEEK
Philadelphia 7 over DALLAS

Dang, I hate pickin' against mah Cowboys, but that's what I'm a-doin'. The Eagles is the best team in the NFC East, and Dallas sucks. This here one is a no-brainer—besides, I need to pad mah record.

NEW ORLEANS 4 over Indianapolis
The danged ol' Saints are hard to beat in that thing they call a Dome. Besides, Peyton Manning has a mouthful of bloody teeth and a busted jaw. It's awful hard to find yer receivers when you are spittin' teeth. And most important, I like Mardi Gras. Special note: Fuck the Jets, and die, Al Davis, die! —Guy W.T. Goggles
(Year-to-date: 5-7)

TRAKIN'S PICKS TO FLICK
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
(Warner Bros.):
The question is not how good director Chris Columbus' adaptation of J.K. Rowling's literary phenomenon is—and from initial reports, it's pretty good. The real issue is whether it can break the opening-week mark of $72.1 million set by Jurassic Park II: The Lost World over Memorial Day weekend in '97. From all indications, AOLTW has done its job—you'd have to be under a rock, or glued to MSNBC, to miss today's premiere of the orphaned boy who discovers he's actually a wizard. Pop culture totems like Wizard of Oz and Star Wars are being floated, and truth be told, the trailers look intriguing, even to this Muggle non-reader. Newcomer Daniel Radcliffe certainly looks the part, and the supporting cast features such scene-stealers as Maggie Smith, Richard Harris, John Hurt, Julie Walters and Robbie Coltrane. If it looks like a franchise, smells like a franchise, and tastes like a franchise well, let's just hope they don't step in it. The John Williams score is available on Atlantic Records, while the website at www.harrypotter.com, has all the requisite bells and whistles, including the opportunity to buy tickets and, naturally, merchandise.

Novocaine (Artisan): Steve Martin stars as Dr. Frank Sangster, a mild-mannered dentist with the perfect fiancee (his pert hygienist Laura Dern) and a seemingly tidy life, who gives it all up for a tightly wound, seductive addict/grifter played by Helena Bonham Carter. If you believe the tabloids, it's a part that may well be based on her real-life personality as a husband-stealing femme fatale. Like Jeff Daniels lured into temptation by Melanie Griffith in Jonathan Demme's Something Wild, Martin is plunged into a slippery slope of purloined drugs, mistaken identities and murder. The movie was written and directed by first-timer David Atkins. The TVT Records soundtrack includes original score by Steve Bartek and additional music by Danny Elfman. The website, www.novocaineonline.com, takes off on the movie's theme of X-rays as a way of seeing people's decaying inner selves to clever effect and also lists the best ways to prevent cavities.

The Wash (Lion's Gate Films): A hip-hop comedy starring Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre as rap's answer to Laurel & Hardy, a coupla stoners working in a car wash with all sorts of nefarious activities going on, co-starring veteran stand-up comic George Wallace. No, it's not a remake of Michael Schultz and Joel Schumacher's classic '76 funkploitation flick Car Wash, but writer/director DJ Pooh's follow-up to his pot laughfest, 3 Strikes, and his screenplays for the two very successful Friday movies. Count on plenty of herbal humor and, naturally, a hot Aftermath/Interscope soundtrack featuring new stuff from Dre and Snoop, Xzibit, Busta Rhymes, D12, Knocturn'al, Bilal, Bubba Sparxxx and more. The website, www.thewashthemovie.com, offers a streamed trailer, contests, chats, a place to send fan mail, musical excerpts and cast and crew information.

King of the Jungle (Urban World Films): John Leguizamo is, even in the best of circumstances, an acquired taste, and here he plays the more-than-mildly retarded half-Jewish, half-Puerto Rican Seymour, who dreams of becoming a basketball star on his beloved N.Y. Knicks. Well, he couldn't have picked a better time, that's for sure. He lives with his over-protective mother (Julie Carmen) and her lover Joanne (Rosie Perez), while his estranged alcoholic father (Cliff Gorman) berates him about his manhood. When his mom, a social activist, is murdered by a neighborhood thug, Seymour, the only witness to the crime, heads to the streets for revenge. While his fragile emotional state unravels, he finds a gun in the home of his best friend (Michael Rapaport) and succumbs to the code of the streets, turning into the titular King of the Jungle. When his dad goes out in search of his son, the two meet at—where else?—the neighborhood hoops court for a dramatic confrontation. The films also stars Annabella Sciorra, Rosario Dawson and Marisa Tomei, and was directed by writer Seth Zvi Rosenfeld, Perez's now-estranged husband, and produced by, among others, Leguizamo and composer Hans Zimmer. The well-organized, clean website, www.kingofthejunglemovie.com, answers any questions you might have about what sounds like a decidedly offbeat project. —R.T.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
"It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place." H.L. Mencken

LP'Z PS2 GAME OF THA WEEK
Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3:Yeah kids, tha best skateboarding game has finally arrived, and you can even play against friends online—THPS3 lets you challenge up to four friends in online competitions over a LAN or tha Internet. Take them on in either trick Attacks and Graffiti modes. It has nine incredible levels. Cars honk and avoid skaters, anything can be grinded and special levels can be unlocked. There are real-world locations—Los Angeles, Tokyo, Skater's Island—plus improved rewards and an improved career mode. Join tha pro lineup: Glifberg, Lasek, Muska, Thomas, Steamer, Rowley, Reynolds, Caballero, Koston, Mullen and Bam Magera of MTV's Jackass. They even improved the Create-a-Skater, now you can even make female skaters. Enjoy it & kick sum ass.
Latin Prince, AKA Tha Playa Skata

A NEW YORK MINUTE
Dennis LyxzTn was incredible when he was singing with Refused, and his (not so new anymore) band, the (International) Noise Conspiracy ranks up there as well. Check out their politically charged punk offerings Friday night at Maxwells. With the success of his recent Electroclash Festival, organizer/promoter Larry Tee brings a scaled down version of the fun to Luxx every Saturday with his Berliniamsburg show. Rotating DJs and the most up and coming of the up and coming perform till the wee hours of the morning. Skinny leather ties recommended but not required. Sunday, the critically acclaimed yet largely overlooked New Pornographers hit Bowery Ballroom. The supergroup of sorts (boasting Neko Case and members of Zumpano, Limblifter and Superconductor) hails from Canada—perhaps they're trying to make up for Bryan Adams and Alanis Morissette. Heidi-Anne Noel

YOUR WEEKLY FORTUNE
Plus Lucky Numbers!
Our fortunes and lucky numbers come from LSD-laced cookies.
Soon you will be sitting on top of the world.
9, 11, 15, 26, 28, 34.

VICE-PRESIDENTIAL FACT OF THE WEEK
John C. Calhoun, our eighth veep, was born in Abbeville district, SC, on March 18, 1782. He served one term under John Quincy Adams, our sixth president, and another under Andrew Jackson, our seventh president. Like many of his fellow South Carolinians, Calhoun was outraged by the Tariff of 1832. And when, in November 1832, a special convention declared the tariff null and void within the state, Calhoun resigned the vice presidency to reenter the Senate, where he could better defend South Carolina's action. Calhoun eventually joined the Whig opposition in censure of Jackson, after Jackson removed the government deposits from the Bank of the United States in 1833. On a different topic, Calhoun secured his own social and economic future by marrying his wealthy cousin, Floride Bonneau Calhoun. He died in Washington on March 31, 1850. Best Anagram of his Name: Cool hunch, Jan.

CURIOUS NEWS STORY OF THE WEEK
Explain to Me Again How Those Numbers Are Considered "Lucky": The New Jersey Lottery will pay out more than $1 million to thousands of lottery winners who bet on the flight number of the jetliner that crashed in New York this week. Mere hours after American Airlines Flight 587 plunged into a quiet Queens neighborhood on Monday morning, killing all 260 people, not only did "587" turn out to be the winning number in the New Jersey Lottery's Pick-3 game, but players wound up buying a whopping 27,829 winning tickets. They each won $16, and the money won by other types of tickets that also contained the flight number pushed the total payout over $1 million. The macabre twist of fate did not end there, however, because a slight variation on the plane's flight number?—had also been the winner in a midday lottery drawing. Virginia Haines, executive director of the New Jersey Lottery, said the matching numbers were an obvious rarity. "Since I've been director, for over seven years, it's the first time this has happened with Pick-3," she said. But Haines said numbers involved in disasters, even the numerical date for the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, are often ready fodder for lottery players in search of a winner. "It's sad to say," Haines remarked. "I don't understand all of their thinking, but numbers like this mean something to people who play. They're not taking away from how they feel about the tragedy. It's just numbers." J.D.

MARK YOUR CALENDARS!
Upcoming Birthdays
Nov. 16-22
16—W.C. Handy (would have been 128)
17—Peter Cook (would have been 64) & Martin Scorsese (59)
18—Sojourner Truth (would have been 214)
19—Dick Cavett (65)
20—Don DeLillo (65) & Dick Smothers (62)
21—Ken Griffey Jr. (32)
22—Rodney Dangerfield (80) & Billy Jean King (58)

Special Events
16—Elephant Roundup (Surin, Thailand)
17—Ramadan Begins, Bombing in Afghanistan continues
19—Onion Market (Switzerland)
22—Thanksgiving

YOUR WEAKEND WEATHER
Something to Talk About While Waiting in Line for Harry Potter: Well, that's what I get for making fun of the Guy With the Goggles—two weekends in a row I said it wouldn't rain in Los Angeles and it did. At least the city looks pretty once all of the smog gets washed out of the air. So keep that it mind when I say it absolutely will not rain this weekend in the city of angels. Instead it will be sunny during the day and not sunny at night. Temps in the mid-70s to 50s and maybe even some upper 40s. Sunday will get partly cloudy, but no rain! Around midnight one night this weekend drive as far away from the city lights as you can and watch the largest meteor shower during our lifetimes. Feel small and insignificant just in time for the shortened work week. Those of you in NYC have it more interesting: Sunny, sunny, sunny. Highs in the low 50s, lows in the upper 40s. Light winds.
David Simutis, not so small but still insignificant Senior Meteorology Correspondent

FACTS OF LIFE SUMMARY FOR THE WEEK
Mrs. Garrett is delighted to see her Parisian friend Chef Antoine until he dashes off to town, sticking her with his wife, brother, and mother—who don't speak any English.

ANOTHER BILLIE BANGER? (UPDATE)
Are you free Wednesday afternoon? (11/12a)
BIEBER BY CHRISTMAS?
How's that for a tease, Bieber Nation? (11/12a)
NEAR TRUTHS: MEET
THE NEW BOSSES
Not the same as the old bosses (11/12a)
CMA CENTERPIECE
CARRIE UNDERWOOD
This sure feels like her moment. (11/12a)
WHO'S GETTING ZERVAS?
It's down to two bidders. (11/12a)
THE GRAMMY NOMINATIONS
They'll soon be here, and then we can start obsessing about who'll win.
U.K. SPECIAL
Forget Brexit--it's our yearly survey of doings in Blighty. And if you still can't forget Brexit, try drinking.
ZERVAS STATION
Who's going to land the hottest unsigned property in music?
WEED!
That's what Hollywood smells like. Seriously. 24/7.
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