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TODAY’S TECH STORIES
JUST DON’T ADD UP
(Speakeasy + Listen) + (Pressplay + All Music Guide) + (MusicNet + [email protected]) + (Incubus + Bestbuy) + (Sirius - Margolese) = ZZZZzzzzzz

NOT-SO-BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY
Broadband service provider Speakeasy.net and Listen.com today announced a pact to distribute Rhapsody, a new digital music subscription service launching this fall. Through the agreement, Rhapsody will be available to Speakeasy’s tens of thousands of broadband subscribers. The Rhapsody service combines online radio, on-demand music playback, contextual music information and editorial recommendations. (And speaking of "editorial recommendations," don’t miss Undeclared on Fox and Scrubs on NBC tonight.) "Listen.com was one of the first and best online music providers, and they have once again set the bar high with Rhapsody, which is specifically designed to enable on-demand music delivery across high-speed networks," said Speakeasy's Music Channel Manager Michael Wells, to a nearly comatose press corps. By the way, Listen.com has financial backing from all five major record labels, not that anyone is counting. The launch date and pricing for the service have yet to be announced.

PRESSED INTO AN ALLIANCE
Alliance Entertainment today announced that Pressplay, the Sony/Universal Music Group joint venture, has licensed the company's All Music Guide database an integrated feature of its online music subscription service. Hooray! According to the press release, which would never lie to us, the "comprehensive metadata and editorial content provided by AMG will enhance the functionality and navigation of the Pressplay service." Wow, all that sentence is missing is the word "robust." Well, we can fix that. "We are excited to be a part of this new and exciting and robust online music service," said Alliance Entertainment President and CEO Eric Weisman. "The combination of the robust content of the All Music Guide with Pressplay's innovative and robust new subscription service will deliver compelling and robust entertainment to music enthusiasts—for a robust price." Pressplay President/CEO Andy Schuon agreed, robustly, saying, "I’ll tell you what. Our partnership with Alliance Entertainment sure is robust. It enables Pressplay to offer the full range of robust benefits of the All Music Guide to our robusty members. With AMG's extensively robust artist and album information, the Pressplay service, which is itself quite robust, will feature exhaustively robust content for robust fans of all genres."

BUT WHAT IS THE OTHER SUB SERVICE UP TO?
America Online today announced the launch of [email protected], an all-round music service easily accessed via the handy-dandy radio button built into the toolbar of the new AOL 7.0—hooray for convenience! [email protected] includes more than 75 stations of music, as well as news, sports and talk. It also includes live streams from Freedom, CA’s KPIG-FM, New Jersey’s WFMU-FM, Cincinnati’s WOXY-FM and L.A.’s KCRW-FM. "[email protected] is AOL's first integrated radio offering and will set the standard for online radio by making it easy for mainstream consumers to enjoy their favorite music," said AOL Music Senior VP and Head Kevin "We Got a Great Big" Conroy. "With its prominent position on the AOL 7.0 toolbar, easy-to-use features and best-of-breed programming, AOL members will have the ability to conveniently listen to great music, news and other compelling programming right alongside other popular AOL features. As a cornerstone of AOL's music offerings, [email protected] will help AOL's 31 million members take advantage of a range of integrated online music services. As a part of the Internet's leading music destination, [email protected] will also become central to the unique marketing relationships we're forging with record labels, recording artists and brand marketers—provided the Department of Justice doesn’t drop the hammer on us."

BUT CAN I GET MORNING WOOD ONLINE?
Bestbuy.com has chosen Epic/Immortal Recording band Incubus new release Morning View for the company’s initial foray into advance album previewing with online pre-order. Fans who purchase Morning View through Bestbuy.com are sent an e-mail with an account number which lets them immediately access the entire album online and on demand (via Windows Media), prior to the album's arrival in stores on Oct. 23. It’s a totally original idea that no one has ever done before. Well, no one who hasn’t had the pants sued off ‘em anyway. "We are very pleased to be working with BestBuy.com on this premiere online retail event," said Epic Records Senior VP Mike Tierney. "This campaign will feed old fans' appetites for the new record, and show new fans what Incubus is all about."

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING SIRIUS
Satellite broadcaster Sirius Satellite Radio today announced that David Margolese "To Own" has stepped down as CEO, although he will remain as non-executive Chairman of the Board. Senior VP/ CFO John J. "Cob Jingleheimerschmidt" Scelfo and Senior VP/General Counsel Patrick L. Donnelly "Juan-elly" will tag-team the duties of the CEO on an interim basis. "Over the years, we have worked diligently to establish a foundation which would allow Sirius to become a world-class company," said Margolese. "Sirius is now strong enough to achieve this and the time has come for me to pass the blame…er…the baton. It has been a privilege working this past decade with all of our wonderful people who literally are about to transform the face of radio."

NEAR TRUTHS:
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AIRHEAD: MODI OPERANDUS
(OR SOMETHING)
Dysfunctional AF (8/3a)
CHART STORY: A BIG FOLKIN' DEAL (UPDATE)
The year's biggest debut. (7/31a)
NEAR TRUTHS: A HEALTHY MARKET
Star power. (8/1a)
MICROSOFT GETS CLOSER TO TIKTOK ACQUISITION
The clock is ticking... (8/3a)
TAYLOR SWIFT
Taylor Swift Taylor Swift Taylor Swift. Taylor. Swift.
VOTE BY MAIL
It's a conspiracy, because everyone does it.
MARY TRUMP
Family is everything.
BILLIE EILISH RETURNS
Unleash the giant spider!
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