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"Xbox is a key part of our strategy to drive the digital entertainment revolution and deliver the future of interactive entertainment to the home."
——Bill Gates, Microsoft
MICROSOFT MAKES WAVES
New OS, Game System and Other Stuff Set to Make Bill Gates Even Richer
By now, if you haven't been completely saturated with images of people floating on air to Madonna's "Ray of Light" in ecstatic bliss over the life-giving miracle that is Microsoft's new Windows XP operating system, you haven't been watching enough TV. And if you haven't been watching enough TV, you haven't been doing your part as an American to keep the economy moving and see us all through these trying times.

But no one would ever say that about the House that Gates Built. Indeed, even as the billionaire boys' club negotiates to settle that pesky antitrust thingy with the Feds, the wheels of industry continue to turn up in Redmond, where they're making lots of new stuff for people to spend money on and further line the bloated pockets of the world's richest ma... er, keep the economy moving! Yeah, that's it. Let's keep America moving. God bless America.

In addition to the XP launch, Microsoft has just released its hotly anticipated Xbox video game system. The Xbox is hotly anticipated, of course, because Microsoft has been beating people over the head with about $500 million in Xbox advertising.

"The future of gaming starts today, and it starts with Xbox," said Bill Gates in a statement cleverly fabricated by his publicist. "Xbox is a key part of our strategy to drive the digital entertainment revolution and deliver the future of interactive entertainment to the home. And the more hardware we cram into American homes, the more our products can release odorless, colorless mind-control gasses in living rooms and bedrooms across the nation. Did I actually say that, or just think it?"

But wait, there's even more excitement pouring out of Microsoft HQ. Paul McCartney, Capitol Records and Microsoft have announced that all proceeds from online sales of McCartney's post-9/11 single, "Freedom," as well as two versions of "From a Lover to a Friend" (original and remix) will be donated to the Robin Hood Relief Fund to benefit victims and rescue workers of the 9/11 attacks. The tracks are available for purchase through 12/11 at WindowsMedia.com, MSN Music and Best Buy. The three tracks can be downloaded as a bundle for $3.99.

And as if that weren't enough, Microsoft announced this week that legendary U.K. band the Electric Soft Parade recently set a Guinness World Record for fastest music-video production. It seems the band used some software called Windows Movie Maker for Windows XP to concoct and edit a video for one of their songs in just 3 hours and 46 minutes. Microsoft put the band on camera at the London Windows XP launch party on October 25, after which the band produced, edited and broadcast the resulting video over the Internet in record time. And you thought Guinness World Records were just for dumb stuff like really fat guys and Siamese twins.

Let's hear it for good old American ingenuity.

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