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BMG NAMES SMELLIE COO

Exec To Help Company Sniff Out
Additional Profits

BMG Entertainment Sr. VP Michael "Cow Pies Are" Smellie has been named Chief Operating Officer of the company, effective immediately, it was announced today by BMG Chairman/CEO Rolf Schmidt-Holtz. Smellie previously oversaw BMG’s Asia Pacific Region, a position he had held since 1995.

The appointment comes following reports of the defection of Chief Administrative Officer Konrad Hilbers after just six months on the job, which he was given following the dramatic executive shakeup at the German conglom’s music unit last year.

In the newly created COO post, Smellie will oversee BMG’s Finance, Legal, Business Affairs, Information Systems & Technology, Audit and New Technologies/Strategic Development departments. When not fetching Thomas Middelhoff’s strudel, he will report directly to Schmidt-Holtz.

"Michael is the ideal candidate for this position," Schmidt-Holtz allowed in a statement. "He has an impressive track record at BMG and in our industry as a first-rate music executive. And with a name like Smellie, those retarded dummkopfs at HITS might finally get off the insufferable Third Reich jokes."

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