CHER'S A DOLL, ELTON RAKES
IN, EMINEM WON'T GO AWAY

Ridgefield Press' Dave Manning Thinks This Music News Is Even Better Than "The Animal."
CHER DOLL HEADS TO STORES
The official Cher doll, first seen on an episode of “Will & Grace,” is headed to retail outlets in the
next couple of weeks. Clad in a halter dress designed by Bob Mackie, Mattel's doll will be priced at $39.95, and company executives said fans in the gay community are in a frenzy anticipating buying the item. “Cher’s doll would fit nicely on a shelf between those of Barbra Streisand and Bette Midler,” the spokesman said. “And, with additional wardrobes available, the Cher doll is every boy’s dream.” No word yet on whether she'll be shacking up with Ken in the near-future.

JOHN SELLS CARS… TO BUY CHER DOLLS
Elton John raised nearly $2.75 million Tuesday from auctioning 20 luxury classic cars from his collection.
The tally was nearly twice the official pre-sale estimate from London auctioneers Christie's. "When the
bidding kept going up and up way above the estimates I was both thrilled and surprised," he said. “Now I can bloody well buy every Cher doll Mattel distributes. Too bad her clothes are too small for me.”

STATION FINED FOR PLAYING EMINEM
Regulators have slapped Colorado radio station KKMG with a $7,000 indecency fine for playing Eminem's "The Real Slim Shady," even though the song was already edited by Interscope. Citadel Communications, parent company of KKMG, told the FCC that the station was not in violation of any law, since various expletives were deleted in the edited version provided by Interscope. "The edited version of the song contains unmistakable offensive sexual references. In this regard, portions
of the lyrics contain sexual references in conjunction with sexual expletives that appear intended to pander and shock," the FCC ruled. “Now you can all go back to playing 'Lady Marmalade,' muthafuckers!"

ADD EMINEM NEWS: RAPPER’S SENTENCING DELAYED
Eminem
’s sentencing in Pontiac, MI, on charges of brandishing a firearm in public and carrying a
concealed weapon have been delayed until June 28. The rapper pled no contest on April 23 to the charges, which stem from an incident last year in which he allegedly pulled an unloaded weapon on Douglas Dail. At the time of Em’s plea, the judge was considering probation instead of jail time. No confirmation to rumors that the court sentence him to 2500 hours listening to Limp Bizkit albums.

FINAL ADD EMINEM: RAPPER’S MOM TOLD TO BACK OFF
A judge has denied a request by Eminem's mother to collect more money for settling a pair of lawsuits
against the rap superstar. Debbie Mathers-Briggs, who initially sued for $12 million, protested attorneys’
efforts forcing her into a settlement of $25,000. “It's clearly a settlement. If someone feels remorse
subsequent to it, that doesn't change that it is a settlement,” Judge Mark Switalski ruled. Eminem said,
“Mother? Fucker!”

BACKSTREET BOO-BOO
Backstreet Boy Nick Carter
reportedly grounded his 45-foot luxury cabin cruiser in Florida, ending up
stuck in a shallow seagrass bed, and forced to abandon ship. Unfortunately for Carter, seagrass is a
protected plant in Florida and there are laws against damaging such foliage. Marine biologists will
investigate the damage done before determining a fine. No confirmation that manager Jeff Kwatinetz is now buying the state to settle the dispute.

TOP 20: JUST TRUST US
A second sonic Boom (4/18a)
ON THE COVER:
AARON BAY-SCHUCK
AND TOM CORSON
Bunny's hoppin' again. (4/17a)
NEAR TRUTHS:
PRIMARY NUMBERS
Hats off to Larry (4/17a)
TAY’S FORTHCOMING DEBUT: WE ARE TORTURED BY SPECULATION
So many questions (4/18a)
THE COUNT: COACHELLA, FROM THE COUCH
The coziest way to experience the fest (4/18a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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