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MUSIC NEWS: ROUNDED UP & DUMBED DOWN

After You’ve Read The Small Print On The Aspirin Bottle, This Will Seem Compelling

FIRST MICHAEL DOUGLAS AND CATHERINE ZETA-JONES, NOW THIS
News of Madonna's upcoming nuptials was apparently premature, despite what the British tabloid the Sun says. The New York Daily News reports that the diamond ring Madonna has been sporting is just a "token of love" from boyfriend director Guy Ritchie, which Madonna had been wearing on her left hand out of a sense of mischief. Many news sources—and we fell right in line—had reported on a story the Sun had run, which quoted a "producer and friend" of Ritchie's named Erin Berg as saying, "He intends to marry Madonna by Christmas." A spokesman for Ritchie said the couple had never heard of Berg. "In essence what Madonna and Guy have said is, ‘Who is Erin Berg?'" said the spokesman. "They would also like an answer to the question, ‘Who is Billy Gillman?'"

HE THOUGHT THE PRELIMINARY EXAM WOULD BE MULTIPLE CHOICE
Because it's a music roundup and because he's so news-friendly, here's the latest on Eminem. The multi-Platinum rapper waived his preliminary exam Thursday (8/31) on two weapons charges. His case will now move on to Macomb County Circuit Court where he is due to be arraigned on Sept. 25. The rapper, born Marshall Mathers III and sometimes known as Slim Shady, faces one count of assault with a deadly weapon and one count of carrying a concealed weapon. If for some reason, this is news to you, it's not for our lack of trying. But if any of this sounds unfamiliar, perhaps now would be a good time to use our site's helpful "search" function. Go ahead, try it out. We'll wait. While you're at it, you may want to bone up on this hot new show called "Survivor." Apparently, it's all the rage with the kids.

SPORTY LIKES BOYS…REALLY
Denying rumors that she is gay, Spice Girl Melanie Chisholm, known also as Sporty Spice, revealed to the British tabloid The Mirror that she longs for an intimate relationship. "I started feeling guilty because I wasn't gay," Sporty told the tabloid. "I was thinking maybe I should be a lesbian. Sometimes I wish I was because men are so crap." Chisholm recently split from her boyfriend J of the boy band Five. "I would like a relationship," the misunderstood Spice Girl said. "It's not going to solve all my problems, but it would be nice." If history has taught us anything, it is that the British tabloids are the best place to set the record straight.

MAMAS DON'T LET YER BABIES GROW UP TO BE COWBOYS
Country singers Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney are threatening to sue the Erie County sheriff's department over their arrests following a scuffle with deputies. Back in June, McGraw, Chesney and a road manager were arrested at a music festival in Orchard Park, NY, after Chesney allegedly took a police horse without permission. While deputies tried to pull Chesney off the horse, McGraw tussled with the cops (hitsdailydouble, 6/5). The singers deny any wrongdoing and claim they have suffered physical and psychological injuries, as well as damage to their reputations and their business, as a result of the fracas. "These guys are celebrities," said a spokesman for the wayward cowboys, "they're not supposed to suffer negative consequences for their actions."

SONGWRITER KILLED IN ACCIDENT
R&B songwriter Harold Lee Clayton was killed Thursday (8/31) in a hit-and-run crash in Los Angeles. According to police reports, Clayton's Cadillac was struck at approximately 3:50 a.m. in the intersection of La Brea and Pico by a Ford Explorer, which according to witnesses had run a red light. The driver of the Explorer, a 16-year-old girl, was arrested and booked for investigation of felony hit-and-run. Clayton had written for such artists as DJ Jazzy Jeff, Salt-N-Pepa, Wyclef Jean and the late Eddie Kendricks. Perhaps his best known song was the SOS Band hit "Take Your Time (Do It Right)," which sold over two million copies. Clayton was 53.

NEAR TRUTHS: SPRING BLOOMS
Here come the big guns. (3/28a)
THE COUNT: COLDPLAY IS HOT, COUNTRY'S COOKIN' IN THE U.K.
The latest tidbits from the bustling live sector (3/28a)
CITY OF HOPE TAPS MARCIANO FOR TOP HONOR
This year's philanthropic model (3/28a)
TRUST IN THE TOP 20
Hip-hop is no longer hibernating. (3/28a)
UMG BROADENS SPOTIFY OFFERINGS
Sir Lucian and Daniel are in harmony. (3/28a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
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