For revenge at its low-rent best, take a gander at SeeMyEx.com, on which Regular Joes exhibit their amateur Polaroids of former sweethearts.


This Weekend, We Sneak Into The Movies, Eat Discarded Popcorn Kernels Off The Floor
At a loss for things to do this weekend? Your troubles are over, Bunky. Our downtime experts will guide you through the most fun-filled weekend ever, replete with movies, CDs, TV, sporting events, a porn site, politics, gore and more... And if you actually think we have anything worthwhile to offer, you should have your IQ checked. We just do this to look like we're working. Anyway...

Where Toons Have Chemistry And Humans Don't
"Dr. Suess' How The Grinch Stole Christmas": Will this be Universal's Nightmare Before Christmas? Reportedly too scary for kids and too downbeat for adults, Ron Howard's latest sure feels like "Howard The Duck" for the holidays. Look for a strong opening week attracted by the massive media blitz to cool down in a hurry when word-of-mouth spreads that you can barely see Jim Carrey underneath all those prosthetics. What's next? Paul Thomas Anderson's "Goodnight Moon"?

"The 6th Day": It feels more like the Arnold Schwarzenegger of "Terminator" or "Total Recall" than "End of Days" and "Last Action Hero," but that's not saying much for an action star getting long in the tooth. Critics are dismissing it, but genre fans could provide a boost. They apparently prefer Ah-nold as a cyborg, as if you could tell the difference.

"Bounce": Isn't it ironic how married couples or even one-time lovers like Ben Affleck and Gwyneth Paltrow have little, if any, onscreen chemistry? Touted director Don Roos hopes this "Shakespeare in the Suburbs" turns out to be the opposite of bad, but initial prognostications for box office longevity are decidedly mixed. Miramax's Harvey Weinstein has his Oscar marketing work cut out for him.

"Rugrats In Paris—The Movie": Paramount, Viacom and MTV's Nickelodeon are hoping for big things from this feature-length animated movie, complete with a high-profile soundtrack and a blitzkrieg marketing apparatus second to none. The real key is, can it cut into the audience for "The Grinch"? From early reports, this is the one that will satisfy both the kiddie corps and their parental units. —Roy Trakin

Franklin Pierce
, our 14th president, was born November 23, 1804, in Hillsborough (now Hillsboro), New Hampshire. Signed the Kansas-Nebraska Act, which repealed the Missouri Compromise and reopened the question of slavery in the West. Best Anagram Of His Name: Infernal Picker.

No, Doctor, I Said "Prolonged Election"
As the votes in Florida are recounted and recounted again by—as far as we can figure it—some guy named Chad, we understand that many of our faithful readers might need a little break from the repetitive coverage of the quest for the presidency. First, we suggest taking your frustrations at either or both candidates at the following site: http://homestead.deja.com/user.erep1/files/funframe1.htm. While there, you can play with Al and George Dubya's faces as if they were made of putty. All with just clicks of the mouse. And leave it up to the good folks at The Onion to give a much more entertaining fictional take on the election than the real one. The Onion's version of reality is best summed up in such headlines as "Bush Executes 253 New Mexico Democrats: Retakes State's Five Electoral Votes," "Naderite Loyalists Nuke Dam" and "McVeigh Urges Calm." Now, isn't that much more interesting than "Florida Supreme Court Delays Vote Certification"? —Jeff Drake

Ex Marks The Spot
I guess, technically speaking, every porn site offers Web surfers the opportunity to look at naked pictures of some guys' ex-girlfriends. But for revenge at its low-rent best, one must take a gander at SeeMyEx.com. Regular Joes send their amateur Polaroids of their former sweethearts, so any fool with a Web browser can have a look at their goodies. Is this a good idea? Well, sure, unless it's your current girlfriend on the site. Or, even worse, your mom. —J.D.

"The Beatles Revolution," (Friday, ABC-TV 8-10p.m.);
The Beatles, "1": Don't Let It Be
It's no coincidence that this prime-time special comes hot on the heels of Capitol's much-ballyhooed release of the first-ever single-disc Beatles' greatest hits collection, "1," which contains all 27 of their chart-topping hits in the U.S. and the U.K. If opinions about the Fab Four from the likes of Justin Timberlake and Mike Myers is your thing, ABC's documentary, "The Beatles Revolution," could be a hoot. But for a true flavor of the original teenpop boy band's remarkable five-year skein of creativity, listen to the CD from start to finish. With between-song spaces cut to a second to squeeze all 78 minutes of hits onto the disc, the sheer force of the songs, from the Buddy Hollyesque claps of "I Want To Hold Your Hand" to the baroque, brooding "The Long and Winding Road," compresses what was a relatively short span into a pop lifetime. Let's see NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys match that! —Roy Trakin

Mrs. Garrett's handsome and charming ex-husband, a gambler, teaches Tootie how to play poker.

"Crimestoppers: TV's Greatest Cop & P.I. Themes":
Dum Da DUM Dum
I'd be hard-pressed to remember the plot of one episode from any TV crime drama. But damn, the theme music was nearly always swingin'. Rhino/TV Land's two new anthologies of flatfoot and private dick jams range from the swankily orchestral to the cheesily synth-laden, but the standouts are pure pleasure. The "Cop" disc opens with Ray Anthony's stately "Dragnet" theme (with its toe-tapping Krupa beat) and hits such groovy stops as Quincy Jones' "Ironside" motif, Sammy Davis, Jr. crooning the soulful "Baretta" opener and Willie Bobo's funkified "Kojak Theme." The "P.I." volume boasts Mike Post's exuberant "Rockford Files," Lalo Schifrin's big-band romp for "Mannix," Henry Mancini's edgy masterpiece "Peter Gunn Theme" and Dominic Frontiere's ultra-plush, discofied "Vega$" among its 16 tracks. And what other CD contains Lionel Stander saying, "Their hobby is murder"? —Simon Glickman

"American Psycho": Yuck With Yuks

This grim but frequently amusing film, based on the infamous Bret Easton Ellis novel, tells the story of Patrick Bateman, a well-to-do young man working on Wall Street who kills during his downtime, for no apparent reason. Christian Bale plays this soulless, modern monster whose zealous materialism and piercing envy fuel homicidal activities that climax with a 20-minute murderous romp through the streets of Manhattan. Always looking to intensify his kills, Bale alters his tools of murder, which range from guns and knives to an ax and a chainsaw. A wild ride through the mind of a psychopath, the film's disturbing subject matter and matter-of-fact delivery are often hard to take. Even so, the quick-moving, visually striking two-hour flick is at times oddly mesmerizing. "Psycho" also stars Willem Dafoe, Jared Leto, Samantha Mathis, Cloe Sevigny and Reese Witherspoon. —Marc Pollack

"I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense." —H.L. Mencken

MIAMI -4 Over Jets
Shoot fire, them dang ole Phins are bound to be good and pissed-off after that humiliatin' loss in New York a month ago. They cain't let it happen agin. That Ivy League QB Fiedler should pick apart the Gang Green secondary. Vinny & the Jets lucked out early in the year and made them crazy Noo Yawkers thank they wuz a good team. Hellfire, they've lost three in a row—why would anybody in their dang right mind pick ‘em now? No way the Dolphins fold like they did afore. Die, Al Davis! (Record to date: 1-1)