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"The real story this week is Lenny Kravitz, who debuted #1 at the Virgin chain. A very strong first week, especially considering that it’s a greatest hits package."
—Vince Szydlowski, Virgin Mega-Stores

AND A "STARFISH"
SHALL LEAD THEM

Limp Firm At #1 Again; Lenny’s "Hits" Land At #2; Tipper Blushes
Blah blah blah George Dubya. Blah blah blah Al Gore. Blah blah blah Limp Bizkit. Blah blah blah Lenny Kravitz. Blah blah blah sex with farm animals.

As our nation—or the less than 50% of the population that actually votes—prepares to choose between second-generation politicians/Ivy League graduates/walking wax figures, Tipper Gore's favorite band, Flip/Interscope's Limp Bizkit, sold more than twice as much as the nearest comer after breaking a million in last week's bow, moving another 403k of those lil' brown "Starfish."

"Obviously, the Limp Bizkit has continued to see great numbers in their second week on the streets," said Virgin Mega-Stores' Vince Szydlowski, whose last name alone scores a minimum of 97 points in Scrabble. "But the real story this week is Lenny Kravitz, who debuted #1 at the Virgin chain. A very strong first week, especially considering that it's a greatest hits package."

Sitting solidly at #2, Virgin's Kravitz—which sounds like it oughta get your mouth washed out with soap—moved a surprising 168k of his "Greatest Hits," thanks in part to renewed interest in things such as "hits" and comprehensive health care plans.

"There were also a couple of very encouraging debuts," added Mr. Szydlowski, who, if memory serves, was the Bizarro world-dwelling foe of Superman. "One from the ‘Charlie's Angels' soundtrack, with the movie not opening until Nov. 3. And another from Linkin Park, which also had a very strong first week."

Columbia/CRG's "Charlie's Angels" sold 62k, enough for a strong #13 debut. And surprising the kind of people who get surprised by things like a rock band with radio play selling units, Warner Bros. rockers Linkin Park 50k was good enough to land them at #16.

Rounding out the Top 10 were the usual suspects: Nelly, Baha Men, Creed…eh, read it for yourself.

"Did I mention Limp Bizkit and Lenny Kravitz?" Szydlowski asked. "I'm sorry. I'm a little dizzy from the lack of vowels in my name."

Next week's chart will be much different, since debuts from Jay-Z, Outkast, U2 and Godsmack will be hitting people like cold Szydlowski in the face.

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(Adele.)
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