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WE GOT THE MUSIC IN US

But The Doctors Swear It's Benign And Can Be Treated Without Invasive Surgery

WASN'T THIS ON JERRY SPRINGER?
Kimberly Mathers, estranged wife of rapper Eminem, was sentenced to 11 months probation and fined $50 Tuesday after pleading guilty to disorderly conduct. Mathers was also ordered to attend an Alcoholics Anonymous orientation meeting Wednesday (10/25) night and to stay away from using drugs or drinking as part of her probation, according to a spokesperson for the Macomb County prosecutor's office. Kimberly Mathers was arrested during a June 4th incident at a Warren, MI, nightclub in which Eminem, who was also apprehended, allegedly assaulted a man that the rapper had witnessed kissing his wife. "All that's left is for a natural catastrophe to occur and destroy the trailer home they all still share," a beer-chugging witness said.

IF ONE EMINEM STORY IS GOOD, TWO MUST BE GREAT
Toronto officials are trying to keep Eminem from performing Thursday (10/26) in their fair city, after a complaint the controversial rapper violates the country's hate laws. The Ontario Attorney General's office is exploring ways to keep Em of the "Anger Management" tour with Limp Bizkit and Papa Roach, including consulting federal immigration authorities, after Valerie Smith filed charges against the rapper. Smith told Reuters: "His lyrics seem to be a little bit over the line." Citing Em's love song "Kill You," Smith said: "One example is ‘I invented violence you vile, venomous, vomital bitches.' If you replace the gender insult with racial insults, you get hate propaganda." Legislator Michael Bryant supports Smith's concerns. Said Bryant: "In Canada, we have laws that say expression which causes harm may not be protected under our constitution and may result in criminal sanction." U.S. officials responded by threatening to thwart any future travel plans of Glass Tiger, Crash Test Dummies or Saga.

IS THAT WHAT "TUBTHUMPING" MEANS?
Self-proclaimed anarchists Chumbawamba have released an Internet-only single, entitled "Pass it Along (MP3 Mix)," which bashes anti-Napster pop stars as greedy hypocrites. The single mixes sound bites from Jello Biafra and Lars Ulrich over samples of songs by artists who've bashed Napster, including Madonna, Dr. Dre, Eminem and Metallica. "If Ulrich, Madonna and Eminem had never sold any records and were worried about entering a poverty-stricken old age, then their determination to stop their music being passed around would be understandable," said Chumbawamba vocalist Dunstan Bruce in a statement. "But what we're seeing is some of the richest pop stars in the world making the biggest stink about not being able to screw every last penny from their adoring fans." No word whether the group would have initiated such a promotion if its latest album sold more than two copies.

TOO SHY-SHY, HUSH-HUSH…
Johnny Cash, who has struggled with health problems for years, said he was misdiagnosed as having Shy-Drager Syndrome, a neurological disorder. "My doctor told me in November that if I'd had it, I'd be dead by now,'' Cash said in Sunday's Tennessean newspaper. Reports that Cash has been dead for years have been proven false.

JUSTIN IS SOOOO LUCKY!
Britney Spears told all those interested Thursday (10/26) that she is still a virgin. The 18-year-old pop sensation told Britain's tabloid Daily Star she still has lots of growing up to do before consummating a relationship. "The virginity issue [is] a personal decision and it reflects how I feel right now about myself," she said. "There are so many emotions involved that I would like to be able to wait until I know I'm with the right person and I'm married." Spears has been dating Justin Timberlake of NSYNC for some time now. "This is great news," Timberlake said. "No, really. I'm totally psyched. It's not like I've got my pick of a billion hot chicks or anything."

WMG KEEPS GROWING:
A $6B FISCAL '22
Cooper sets the table for Kyncl. (11/23a)
SONG REVENUE: TURKEY TROT
The Lipmans are thankful for their superstars. (11/25a)
THE LENNY BEER
PRE-HOLIDAY ALBUM
...with all the trimmings (11/25a)
NOISEMAKERS: A THANKFUL BUNCH
The kids are alright. (11/25a)
SOME FINAL THOUGHTS FROM STEVE COOPER
All good things come to an end. (11/23a)
GRAMMY SEASON
Artists sound off on the prospect of being nominated
CATALOG ECONOMICS
They're changing the game... for some.
VOTING AGAINST FASCISM
You're helping with the runoff, right?
IS IT CHRISTMAS YET?
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