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MEET THE NEW ROUNDUP, SAME AS THE OLD ROUNDUP
Where Cheap Gags Thrive Like Bacteria In A Warm Environment

AIN'T IT FUNNY HOW THE KNIGHT MOVES?
Snoop Dogg's label, Priority Records, said Monday (12/11) it would take legal steps in response to Death Row's posting of Snoop's latest album, "Tha Last Meal," on its Web site, Sonicnet reports. Imprisoned Death Row Records chief Marion "Suge" Knight contended that his label was not trying to hurt Snoop by leaking the album online, saying that Death Row, where Snoop made his bones, still has a vested financial interest in the artist and his recordings. "Why would Death Row attempt to sabotage ‘Tha Last Meal' when we are partners with No Limit/Priority Records on this album?" Knight asked from jail. Dr. Dre, another Death Row alumni, said that Death Row is guilty of "hatin' to the highest power" for posting the album well before its 12/19 release. "Why don't those people do what we are doing [and] move on?" Dre questioned. "You live your life; let us live our life. I don't fuck with you, you don't fuck with me… Everybody can then just move on with their lives, be happy and chill with their families." If the bickering continues, Judge Judy may be brought in to arbitrate.

MOON OVER MY HAMMY
Timothy Mark Brownfield, who was arrested for threatening to kill Moon Unit Zappa, pleaded innocent to federal charges on Monday (12/11) and was transferred to a psychiatric jail facility. Prosecutors said Brownfield believed that Zappa and her father, Frank, stole the lyrics to the song "Valley Girl." Those in the know say if Brownfield admits writing the insipid lyrics to "Valley Girl," he must be crazy. Gag us with a spoon.

THEY PLAN TO DO MOSTLY HOLIDAY TUNES AND SPIRITUALS
It must have looked real good on paper. In what could be the silliest project ever created, three heavy metal vocalists have come together to form the Three Tremors. Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden, Geoff Tate of Queensryche and Rob Halford, formerly of Judas Priest, have banded together to record an album. No confirmation that the trio will accept Carnegie Hall's offer to perform live.

LONG-DISTANCE RENNER
Tim Renner will replace Wolf Gramatke as Chairman/CEO of Universal Music Germany as of Jan. 1. Gramatke will stay on with the company as a non-executive chairman. Vico Antippas, President of Universal Music's Austrian and Swiss operations, has been promoted to Executive VP/COO at Universal Music Germany. "What fits better, a Wolf or a Tim?" a German nationalist asked. "Mein Gott, the Americanization of Germany continues."

FANS WILLING AND ABEL TO RALLY ROUND THE WEEKND
Dept. of unintended consequences (12/1a)
VAUGHN'S FIRST MOVE: MATTERA TO THE TOWER
A company with no corner offices (12/1a)
U.K. MEET THE MANAGERS
Who's hot in Blighty? (12/1a)
RON PERRY: SUPERCHARGING THE BIG RED MACHINE
Hoodie man doin' work (12/1a)
SPOTIFY GIFT-WRAPS
THE YEAR IN MUSIC
How Swede it is. (12/1a)
RAINMAKERS 2020
Bring your umbrella.
GRAMMY OUTLIERS
Mulling possible surprises.
ZOOM THANKSGIVING
We're virtually stuffing ourselves.
TRUMP'S LAWSUITS
He's lost 25 out of 26, and so tired of winning!
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