The Diva, Not The Humidity-Soaked City;
The Drug, Not The Thing You Cook Stew In
The marijuana-possession case against Whitney Houston will likely be dismissed in three months if the singer meets certain probation-like conditions, her lawyer said today.

In a hearing in New Jersey yesterday (11/2), Judge Joseph Florendo agreed to delay acceptance of a no-contest plea on the singer's behalf until three months from now, under a process allowed by state law. The "probation-like conditions" were not disclosed, but if Houston meets them, the petty misdemeanor will be expunged from her record. That is, from her criminal record, not from one of her CDs.

Now, ever since Hitsdailydouble has been online, we've been following Ms. Houston's drug-related shenanigans. (Number of times we've used a play on "Houston, we have a problem" in the headline: 2; number of times we ran Sean "Puffy" Combs photo just for kicks: 5.) And it's not that we believe they are over—we certainly hope they are—but we thought now would be a good time to bring everybody up to speed on our extensive coverage.


  • 1/11—Airport security at Keahole-Kona International Airport in Hawaii discover 15.2 grams of pot in Houston's purse. Since security has no legal right to detain passengers, especially if said passengers are divas, Houston and husband Bobby Brown are allowed to board their flight for San Francisco before cops arrive.
  • 3/29—Burt Bacharach becomes so frustrated with Houston's performance during Oscar rehearsals that he pulls the plug on her performance. Houston seems "discombobulated," misses a cue, plays an imaginary keyboard and sings the wrong song. The spin: Houston had a "sore throat." Our drug joke: "[Houston then] ran to the craft service table to scarf down three meat-and-potato burritos and a bowl of cheese puffs."
  • 4/12—Houston performs at Arista's 25th anniversary celebration without incident. Vegas odds-makers lose a bundle.
  • 4/17—Hawaiian prosecutors report they may not press charges for the 15.2 grams of pot found in her bag. Our drug joke: [Below a photo showing Houston with her hand in the air] "Shown here either waving goodbye to Hawaiian officials or telling the pizza guy she's the one who ordered the supreme with extra cheese."
  • 5/12—Husband Bobby Brown is arrested by customs agents at Newark, NJ, airport on outstanding Florida warrant stemming from alleged probation violation (his urine tested positive for cocaine). Our drug joke: "Coming to Brown's defense, a friend explained, ‘That urine could just as easily have been Whitney's.'"
  • 5/23—Brown is ordered to remain in jail until June 19 hearing. Houston does not attend. Our drug joke: "[Houston] did not attend as she was busily playing a make-believe keyboard in an empty theater elsewhere."
  • 5/25—Houston visits Brown in jail. Surprisingly, there is no drug joke.
  • 6/7—Us Weekly reports that Houston's family tried an intervention last summer to get the "beleaguered diva" (as we then wrote) into rehab. Our drug joke: Is replaced with an odd reference to diminutive actress Linda Hunt.
  • 7/10—Brown is released from jail. Houston waited for him in a stretch limousine outside. Our drug joke: Was really more about Brown and, truthfully, not funny enough to reprint.
  • August—Houston survives an entire month without a HITS joke at her expense. In fact, we wait until late in September to lay into her again.
  • 9/25—Hawaiian prosecutors decide to press charges after all. If guilty, Houston could face up to 30 days in jail and a $1,000 fine. Our drug joke: "No confirmation that [Houston's] attorneys will propose a rehab stint at Hawaii's Camp Takeatoke."
  • 9/27—Houston makes no statement regarding Hawaiian prosecutors' decision to press charges. The story carries the headline, "Waiting To Exhale." Our drug joke: Explaining Houston's silence, "a spokesperson posed the question, ‘Ever try to talk with your mouth full of pot brownies?'"
  • 10/16—Houston and Brown announce they will perform together, a la Steve & Eydie, in Vegas. The story carries the headline, "It's Sure To Be A Hit." Our drug joke: "Each concert will end with Hawaiian airport authorities chasing the duo off-stage."