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"Sirius has three satellites in orbit right now—all of which can read your thoughts and know what you did last summer."

SATELLITES OF LOVE

Sirius, XM Close $200+ Million Each In Latest Rounds Of Funding
We're not sure who's going to be the bigger player in satellite radio broadcasting, so we'll do the butt-kissing in alphabetical order.

Sirius Satellite Radio, not the brainchild of genius Australian actor Yahoo Serious, closed its latest round of Lehman Brothers-underwritten financing. The company sold 11.5 million shares at $21 per. Sirius has three satellites in orbit right now—all of which can read your thoughts and know what you did last summer—and for a monthly fee of $9.95, consumers will someday be able to hear up to 100 channels of digital quality music, talk and other such non-picture things.

Not to be outdone, Satellite Radio competitor XM Satellite Radio is offering 7.5 million shares of its Bear, Stearns & Co.-managed stock at $10.1875—no, we don't have any change for a .0005—and $125 million worth of Convertible Subordinated Notes, due 2006. XM raised $201.4 million with the offerings. XM is launching its first satellite on March 18 and its second in early May. Service, with up to 100 channels of—does this sound familiar?—digital quality music, talk and other such non-picture things is expected to begin this summer.

The first XM-ready radios hit store shelves today. We're actually saving our money for teleporters, which are expected by Christmas, and artificial kidneys, available now on eBay.

HITS LIST: AMPERSANDS
Dynamic duos (12/3a)
TAYLOR'S TREMENDOUS YEAR
She'd make one helluva CEO. (12/3a)
THEY CALL THE WINDFALL MARIAH (HOLIDAY EDITION)
Ch-chingle bells (12/3a)
SONG REVENUE:
BOWS OF HOLLY
Adele is money. (12/3a)
UTA MUSIC EXPANDS IN NASHVILLE
Reshuffling the deck (12/3a)
CHESTNUTS
Roasting.
STOCKINGS
Stuffing.
PIPERS
Piping.
SANTA
Coming.
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