Quantcast
"That cute girl...had nothing to do with...the notorious lothario...Gary Cherone...who died of cancer in 1981."
——the roundup in a nutshell

A CHICKEN IN EVERY POT, A CURIOUS LINK IN EVERY STORY

Today’s Music Roundup Stoops To New Lows To Poke Fun At Britney, Gary Cherone, Others

SHE MAY SEEM INNOCENT, BUT SHE'S READ "THE JOY OF COLA"
Britney Spears has signed a multimillion-dollar endorsement deal with Pepsi-Cola. Financial details of the deal were not disclosed but insiders said the sponsorship is one of Pepsi's largest ever with an entertainer. The deal calls for Spears' global sponsorship and advertising of the product. In addition, Pepsi will co-sponsor Spears' upcoming world tour. The first television commercial is expected to air during the March 25 showing of the 73rd Annual Academy Awards. Said one Pepsi exec, "That cute girl we had in our commercials has turned into a freakish imp, so we decided to go with someone who was done growin'."

PUTTING AWAY THE WHIGS
After 14 years, the Afghan Whigs have decided to split up. Instead of citing the usual irreconcilable differences, the band blames geographical distance for the breakup. You see, Whig members currently reside in three different states, and it is too difficult to stay connected. "Modern inventions like e-mail, cell phones, pagers, fax machines, voice mail, car phones and Federal Express were just not enough to keep the foursome together," sources said. "Disappointing sales and playing to half-full concert halls had nothing to do with their demise."

GIMME SHELTER…PLEASE?
Mick Jagger was told he had to financially support the child born to his ex-lover, Brazilian model Luciana Morad. A Manhattan Family Court official ruled Tuesday (2/6) that the rocker was required to provide for he and Morad's love child, Lucas Maurice Morad Jagger. Terms of the agreement were not disclosed and case records have since been sealed. Because of Jagger's obvious aversion to wearing a raincoat—he has reportedly sired a starting cricket lineup's worth of children—the rock legend's promiscuity will again hit him where it hurts. Jagger's on-again, off-again companion for more than two decades, Jerry Hall, who dumped the rocker when news of the Morad baby was revealed, recently nailed the notorious lothario for a reported $15 million in their divorce settlement.

TOUCHED BY THE HAND OF GOD… OR DAVID LEE ROTH
Everyone knows rock & roll is the means to all ends. The CIA knew it in 1989, when it blasted AC/DC to oust Panamanian drug lord General Manuel Noriega. And some Good Samaritan in Omaha, NE, knew it, as he commandeered police radio frequencies to help lure a suicidal man from his sure demise. According to Launch, Omaha PD was trying to talk a jumper off a bridge, when 30 seconds of Van Halen's "Jump" came blaring through police radios. Police did manage to talk Fred Patterson down and maintain he did not hear any of the song. Still, Omaha PD is investigating the incident, which could result in criminal charges against the pirate DJ. Said an Omaha Police spokesperson: "We're just lucky the culprit didn't play any tracks off ‘Van Halen 3.' That Gary Cherone could make anyone jump."

MARLEY'S GHOST
Family and fans of Bob Marley gathered along Hollywood Boulevard Tuesday (2/6) as the late reggae legend was honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The ceremony marked what would have been Marley's 56th birthday. Marley, who died of cancer in 1981, received his star next to that of Earth, Wind & Fire. His widow, Rita, reportedly was greeted by hundreds of fans waving Jamaican flags. However, the thick clouds of marijuana smoke prevented all visibility at the celebration.

NEAR TRUTHS: SPRING BLOOMS
Here come the big guns. (3/28a)
THE COUNT: COLDPLAY IS HOT, COUNTRY'S COOKIN' IN THE U.K.
The latest tidbits from the bustling live sector (3/28a)
CITY OF HOPE TAPS MARCIANO FOR TOP HONOR
This year's philanthropic model (3/28a)
TRUST IN THE TOP 20
Hip-hop is no longer hibernating. (3/28a)
UMG BROADENS SPOTIFY OFFERINGS
Sir Lucian and Daniel are in harmony. (3/28a)
THE NEW UMG
Gosh, we hope there are more press releases.
TIKTOK BANNED!
Unless the Senate manages to make this whole thing go away, that is.
THE NEW HUGE COUNTRY ACT
No, not that one.
TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN PLAYLIST
Now 100% unlicensed!
 Email

 First Name

 Last Name

 Company

 Country
CAPTCHA code
Captcha: (type the characters above)